Day Three Hundred and Twenty-nine - MST3K: I Accuse My Parents, "Eleanor Roosevelt is PISSED!"

I'm not exactly the biggest fan of Joel (though I do love Godzilla vs. Megalon and Cave Dwellers), but I have to say that this is a strangely strong episode from his era.

It might have something to do with the fact that I'm a huuuuuuge lover of shorts. One of my main pleasures in life is winding down the night with a few of the plethora of shorts (educational or news reels) that Mike, Bill, and Kevin over at Rifftrax produce. In this old episode, Joel and the bots watch an interesting little piece about Truck Farming from the 50's. While it's a bit more pointed an issue of late, the plight of immigrant workers, it's kind of fun to watch MST3K lampshade the issue that the serial tries to gloss over.

When the movie gets started proper there's a bit of a downturn due to the fact there's intensely heavy moralizing over drinking and the like, but the guys manage to eek out quite a few one-liners at the expense of the protagonist of I Accuse My Parents, a high schooler who is able to get into night clubs and lie to pretty much every one he meets over the condition of his home life (his parents are bitter lushes).

With a parade of squeaky-clean-looking, but painfully corrupt and awkward ne'erdowells, IAMP is a cautionary tale that seems to be made by uptight church-going folk who really have no idea what nightclubs, loose women, and criminals are like. It's even accidentally hilarious without the commentary from the MSTie crew... not unlike Reefer Madness, in that regard.

I'm a bit confused as to why this is all the fault of the parents, considering the dark lengths film villain Charlie goes to in order to ruin the young loverbird's life, but whatever. At least Joel and the Bots are on my side in that regard. What's even sadder is how everything is just fine and dandy at the religious diner. No questions, room and board, all for the cost of a church-going existence. Talk about your moralizing... and at such a late stage in the movie, too.

There has to be a school or genre that films like this fall into, but I'll be damned if I can make the connection. I honestly think the only thing missing is a pair of hard boiled G-men out to squash the lowlives and pontificate on the woes of misspent youth... but, at least, there's the hilarious scam check from the second club that is populated with Filet Mignon and Lobster Dinners.

As far as the inbetweener sketches, I really liked Gypsy recreating romantic interest Kitty's song routine... but not so much for the Mads, as much as I like TV's Frank and Dr.Forrester, their invention and ending bits aren't all that thrilling.

At the end of the day, MST3K:IAMP is yet another fun ride with my only wish being that the ENTIRETY of the series was available instead of these five or six episode rotations that flow through on a quarterly basis.

Until tomorrow, Potatoes~

Day Two Hundred and Fifty-three - MST3K: Gamera, "KEENNNNYYYYY!"

So, yeah... got sent home early due to flooding in the high desert. Seems Mother Nature decided to give our little mesa town its entire allotment of moisture for the year in a single day. The break let me take a long nap and still have time for an evening Couchbound with Netflix.

Tonight, I definitely felt in the mood for quick laughs at the expense of terrible science fiction... and I got it in the form of Joel and the Bots taking on the DAIEI Studios Godzilla-ripoff, Gamera. The giant turtle kaiju who is the subject of a series of monster films in Japan, Gamera jets across the planet going everywhere, eating the heat off the flames of destruction he wreaks upon the various cities of the world.

It's your typical setup... nuclear explosions wake up the giant monster, who basically destroys everything it can save for an annoying little Japanese boy with a tortoise fetish named Kenny. It's hilarious, they manage to keep the Japanese surnames of everyone involved (particularly the film's genius zoologist, Dr. Hidaka), but everyone gets an anglo first name to make it easier on the American voice actors.

Anyways, the scientists throw darts at an idea board to try and stop Gamera's rampage while the Japanese army takes its orders from a lowly zoologist and his daughter (who still calls him Doctor every chance she gets). Kenny manages to sneak into army bases, oil refineries, and even super-secret multinational rocket facilities, all so he can catch another glimpse of his best friend... the 60-meter tall turtle from hell.

Joel and the Bots are in fine form for this episode, throwing out wise cracks about everything from the Exxon Valdez to Kissinger to Kentucky Fried Chicken (as there's a scientist who quite literally could double as the Japanese Colonel Sanders). As usual, most of the inbetweeners are dumb, but there's a nice little bit where Mike Nelson visits the hexfield screen as Gamera, himself.

Usually Joel episodes have a tendency to put me to sleep, but that's not the case here. Just about every comment is pithy and spot on, and those that only make glancing blows are still worth a smile at the very least.

Quick shout out to Japanese character actor Bokuzen Hidari, who was Farmer Yohei in Kurosawa's The Seven Samurai. It's always good to see him as he has such a wonderful panic face.

While I really wish Godzilla vs. Megalon was available on Netflix (or DVD) as an episode of MST3K, I realize that the rights issues are a problem as always, Toho films guarding their properties zealously. Seriously, if anybody has a DVD of that one from the 1st edition Vol. 10 set, let me know.

Until tomorrow, Potatoes~

Day Two Hundred and Thirty-seven - MST3K: Soultaker, "Your Mom is WEIRD!"

This has to be my favorite episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000... and my sister's too, I think.

During the tape circulating days, this was the one my sister and I watched the most, then it took forever to find it on DVD because Rhino was only barely putting box sets out and they did so in random order. When it did release, though, you can be sure that I was there as soon as the stores opened that Tuesday (which is when most new releases have their street date in America) and bought that box immediately.

I've forced my friends to watch Soultaker so much that I've literally burned them out on MST3K, such that I'm immediately shouted down whenever I suggest kicking back with Mike and the Bots on a Saturday night. Sure, it might have something to do with the fact that they're all in serious relationships and I'm sitting here alone with my Netflix, but the world (and my self-esteem) may never know.

And, now, it's on the Instant Stream. I think that my social life, what little there was left of it, is doomed.

Anyways, on to the movie, itself....

Soultaker is a b-movie from 1990 "starring" Joe Estevez (brother to Martin Sheen) as a Grim Reaper who must harvest the souls of the recently dead else they be lost to the void. To do so, he pulls their ectoplasm into tiny glowstick rings, all while doing a horrible Johnny Cash impersonation (not really, but the Guys point it out and it's hard not to laugh and nod).

He's just the villain, actually, as the true main characters are Zack and Natalie, a pair of low-rent star-crossed lovers who are more Saved by the Bell than Romeo and Juliet. It seems that their souls are up for the taking after getting into a car wreck thanks to their frenemy Brad's vehicular homicide. Their spirits ejected from their injured bodies, they're left confused when Joe Estevez begins stalking the pair and their friends... and re-killing each in turn.

I don't know how it works as Soultaker is so full of plotholes that it deserved to be given the MSTie treatment and, like any episode of the show, the glory isn't in the movie, itself, but the jokes Mike and the Bots lay on top of it. Lines like, "If I die, I'm going to die eating string cheese and Fruitopia," and, "I want the soul of that stuffed bunny in the window."

The jokes often revolve around the financial disparity between Zack and Natalie, as well as Vivian Schillings passing resemblance to Tonya Harding. Hearing Crow mock Natalie's frustration with a petulant "but my SKATE BROKE. WAA!" makes for instant, uncontrollable fits of laughter on my part... even watching it alone and sober.

Natalie is played by Vivian Schilling who wrote the film... which makes her awesome and terrible at the same time. It's an admirable effort for a straight to video b-movie, as it managed to pull it not one (Joe Estevez) but two (Robert Z'dar) terrible movie staples from the 80's and 90's. I think it only could've been better (or, perhaps, worse) if they'd gotten Traci Lords and Jeffrey Combs to come along for the ride.

I think I should make a quick mention of the elephant in the room of this film, Robert Z'dar. I know, it's mean, but the guy's face is ginormous! I don't feel quite so bad as Mike and the Bots waste no time riffing on that fact, but every time I laugh I still feel a bit guilty. Another of his appearances made MST3K as well, Future War, and he's just as huge.

It should also be noted that, during the inbetweeners, MST's original host (and creator) Joel Hodgson makes a cameo appearance (as his character Joel Robinson) along with old villain TV's Frank (played by Frank Coniff). This was the first episode of the LAST season of MST3K and it was nice to see them both after they split years ago. My only regret is that Trace Beaulieu didn't make an appearance as an alt-universe Crow/Dr.Clayton Forrester so the whole gang could be back together.

Ah, well....

Soultaker is one of the best terribad movies that MST3K has had the privilege of riffing and that I've had the privilege of watching... over and over and over again. I recommend it, certainly, but mileage may vary (as my friends would no doubt testify to).

Until tomorrow, Potatoes~

Day Two Hundred and Thirty-five - MST3K: Pod People, "'Chief?' 'McCloud?'"

Finally, for the first time in what seems like years, regular episodes of Mystery Science Theater 3000 are showing back up on the stream. Don't get me wrong, I love MST3K:The Movie and its lambasting of cult scifi classic, This Island Earth, but you can only watch so many times in short order before it becomes stale.

This episode, Pod People, looks to be a cheap European horror flick that is miles away from Argento and more closer to Alf or Mac & Me. Set in "The Deep Woods" that conveniently become impossible to leave, thanks to a never seen avalanche, the Pod People (which neither come from pods nor are much in the way of people) set themselves upon several groups of folks out living the country life: some rough poachers, a family living in a fortress, and a group of musicians on vacation.

It seems that a meteor has crashed in the woods and laid some eggs. Don't ask why, just go with it. Anyways, one of the eggs hatches and gets its first contact with man at the end of a closed fist, which sends it on a rampage of killing. Another of the eggs is found and taken home by young Tommy, one of the fortress folk, who has a penchant for animals. He hatches the egg and teaches Trumpy (who looks like a cross between an Ewok and the Elephant Man) the power of kindness.

As the first alien's bodycount rises, it becomes harder and harder for Tommy to hide Trumpy, who grows from six inches to a full meter overnight. There's whimsy as Trumpy shows off his preternatural powers of telekinesis and mystery as Trumpy instantly becomes the suspect of murder when the first, unnamed alien infiltrates the fortress and kills young backup singers in the shower.

Eventually, everything comes to a head when Trumpy and Tommy try to escape to the woods but are confronted by the evil alien... who is then shot down like a dog while Trumpy and Tommy have their Yearling/White Fang moment of separation.

To me, the idea of a child in an Alf costume wandering the forests of Spain is at times comforting. For the most part, though, this is a tough movie to swallow... even with Joel and the bots riffing it. Honestly, the jokes only start picking up towards the second act when Trumpy has grown and the boys start giving him an internal monologue. My favorite scene has Trumpy going down the line of pets that Tommy keeps in cages calling everything some variation of "potatoe."

Seriously, it slays me.

I think the plot point that bothers me the most is the inexplicable Big Dipper constellation that shows up on all of the victims. It isn't explained in anyway other than through implication that the aliens come from its general direction. Why they mark their kills with it (and how they would even KNOW that constellation seeing as how they just GOT to Earth) is beyond me... and everyone, really.

The inbetweener skits are meh, but that's a problem with much of Joel's run as host for the show. He was a bit too laid back (and possibly high) to really bring the laughs... but it's still an okay episode, just not one of the best.

I can't wait till next time I review a Mystie epi as I think that I'll be doing Soultaker with Joe Estevez!

Until tomorrow, Potatoes~