Day Three Hundred and Forty-one - Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries: Episode 4, "Anarchy, Incest, and Intrigue."

Hmmm... I feel a bit weird about this one. Generally, I've really liked Phryne and her dalliances with both crime and free love in 1920's Australia. She's the epitome of a take charge, modern woman who knows whom and what she wants. Still, it wears a bit thin this episode as she takes on the dual task of searching for a missing schoolgirl and investigating the murder of an anarchist.

Charged with discreetly inquiring into the disappearance of a schoolmate of Jane's (nice to see Jane back, by the way, after disappearing, herself, for an episode), Phryne happens to be witness to a falling out between anarchist revolutionaries in which one of them is fatally shot. He dies in her arms, but not before giving her the engagement ring he was saving for his ladylove with the task of delivering it.

All is not as it seems, though, in either case as it's difficult for Phryne to gain the trust of the anarchists who weren't involved in the shooting since she's an unknown and their compatriots would never murder a member (or would they?). Add to that the fact that the missing school girl may have fallen prey to religious madness and you've got both your A and B plots delivered with a nice little bow.

Upon reflection, I think I have two major problems with this episode.

First is the chemistry issue between Phryne and her lover-of-the-week, the former anarchist Peter "the Painter." I like to consider myself a fairly sex positive person and consumer, so Phryne's love life doesn't bother me... except when there's no real tension to speak of. While it's been obvious enough in past episodes, here it feels forced and trite.

My other major problem is that neither of the episode's mysteries is all that compelling. Be it inserting herself haphazardly into the revolutionary circles of Melbourne or going from manor to nunnery to asylum looking for the girl, there was nothing particularly striking in the way of drama or daring or thought puzzles. Everything was too easy to figure out and the motivations were too simplistic to be engaging. I mean, honestly, if you're going to have an incest plot, it needs to be framed better than a diary and a simple gesture. Where are the swelling soundtracks or dramatic shots? Whoever edited this episode needed a lesson or two in melodrama.

There are still good points, though. It's cool to see Jane again and I hope she becomes a regular fixture. Having Phryne hold rein over her aunt, Dot, and Jane makes for an interesting matriarchy with lots of fun back and forth. It gets a little stale when she only has Jack and Constable Collins to play off of.

So far, the series is still worth it, even if it seems to be wallowing in this subtle boredom. I'll stick with it, I think... and, if you like period mysteries like Foyle, Poirot, and Marple, you should, too.

Until tomorrow, Potatoes~

Day Three Hundred and Thirty-five - Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries: Episode 3, "Blackmail, Miscegenation, Sodomy... and, of course, Murder."

You know, I think I'm sensing a pattern concerning Miss Fisher's investigations... they all seem to revolve around several societal ills or injustices of her era.

The pilot dealt with drugs, communism, and upstairs/downstairs philandering. Episode two (which I didn't blog about) was a case of more philandering, child abuse, and classism. This particular episode worries about interracial marriage, homosexuality, and the divide between Protestants and Catholics. Not that it isn't all interesting, it just seems a bit too hammy to have all these different themes crammed in together in such a short time span.

Not that I should be complaining, as Phryne's misadventures in Melbourne's seedy underbelly are fun, if not exactly straining when it comes to the mysteries, themselves. It's just that I've grown so used to tackling pretty much one social issue at a time in the likes of PBS/BBC/ITV coproductions like MYSTERY (which include Cadfael, Poirot, Sherlock, etc.).

Anyways, this particular episode revolves around the death of a dastardly blackmailer and the young gentleman who becomes the prime suspect thanks to the fact that he was seen arguing with the victim just prior, fled the scene just after, and is (unfortunately, for the time) a homosexual. This fact comes out only after his lover is caught red-handed trying to retrieve the photos of the two that the victim was holding over their heads, but it's still an awful reminder of just how far we've come and how much further we still have to go.

The suspects are many and colorful, but the ultimate reveal comes straight out of a dime novel, I'm sad to say. Kudos for imagination, but a bit of a stretch to believablity and a bit slow in coming. I did like the jailhouse serenade at the end, leaving things on a much more romantic note than the inevitable conclusion (murderers swing in 20's era Australia), but the overall payoff was just 'eh.'

Still, there are plenty of things to like... particularly when it comes to Dot and Hugh's fumbling courtship, even if I find their nerves over differing religions to be stuff and nonsense, but there are plenty of people still today who take such matters with the utmost seriousness, so... who am I to begrudge playing it up for laughs in a mystery series? I like how Phryne and the Detective Inspector's friendship has developed over the past couple of episodes, going from chill professionalism to warm trust, but I was a little disappointed that the orphan that Phryne saddled herself with in the unblogged second episode has apparently disappeared for episode three.

The period goodness continues as most everything looks and feels right, save for the laughable dancing during the nightclub bits, but that's just personal opinion. Much props for actually working in a few biplane flights over the countryside.

While there are definite signs of overindulgence when it comes to themes and things are becoming a little stale as time wears on for the series, I'm still very much enjoying myself with it. Hats off to Phryne and her crew of misfits solving crime one murder at a time!

Until tomorrow, Potatoes~

Day Three Hundred and Twenty-nine - MST3K: I Accuse My Parents, "Eleanor Roosevelt is PISSED!"

I'm not exactly the biggest fan of Joel (though I do love Godzilla vs. Megalon and Cave Dwellers), but I have to say that this is a strangely strong episode from his era.

It might have something to do with the fact that I'm a huuuuuuge lover of shorts. One of my main pleasures in life is winding down the night with a few of the plethora of shorts (educational or news reels) that Mike, Bill, and Kevin over at Rifftrax produce. In this old episode, Joel and the bots watch an interesting little piece about Truck Farming from the 50's. While it's a bit more pointed an issue of late, the plight of immigrant workers, it's kind of fun to watch MST3K lampshade the issue that the serial tries to gloss over.

When the movie gets started proper there's a bit of a downturn due to the fact there's intensely heavy moralizing over drinking and the like, but the guys manage to eek out quite a few one-liners at the expense of the protagonist of I Accuse My Parents, a high schooler who is able to get into night clubs and lie to pretty much every one he meets over the condition of his home life (his parents are bitter lushes).

With a parade of squeaky-clean-looking, but painfully corrupt and awkward ne'erdowells, IAMP is a cautionary tale that seems to be made by uptight church-going folk who really have no idea what nightclubs, loose women, and criminals are like. It's even accidentally hilarious without the commentary from the MSTie crew... not unlike Reefer Madness, in that regard.

I'm a bit confused as to why this is all the fault of the parents, considering the dark lengths film villain Charlie goes to in order to ruin the young loverbird's life, but whatever. At least Joel and the Bots are on my side in that regard. What's even sadder is how everything is just fine and dandy at the religious diner. No questions, room and board, all for the cost of a church-going existence. Talk about your moralizing... and at such a late stage in the movie, too.

There has to be a school or genre that films like this fall into, but I'll be damned if I can make the connection. I honestly think the only thing missing is a pair of hard boiled G-men out to squash the lowlives and pontificate on the woes of misspent youth... but, at least, there's the hilarious scam check from the second club that is populated with Filet Mignon and Lobster Dinners.

As far as the inbetweener sketches, I really liked Gypsy recreating romantic interest Kitty's song routine... but not so much for the Mads, as much as I like TV's Frank and Dr.Forrester, their invention and ending bits aren't all that thrilling.

At the end of the day, MST3K:IAMP is yet another fun ride with my only wish being that the ENTIRETY of the series was available instead of these five or six episode rotations that flow through on a quarterly basis.

Until tomorrow, Potatoes~

Day Three Hundred and Nineteen - Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries: Episode 1, "Charming, Clever, Independent, Sexy Women... Uh, yes please?"

Period murder mysteries generally flip my switch to begin with, there's something about detective work before the age of CSI-style Enhance-O-MacGuffins, where forensics were as primitive as it gets and true investigation comes from the minds of frank deduction and legwork that infinitely pleases me. Add to that the style and panache of yesteryear and you've sold me.

Throw a compelling lead in the pot and I'm pretty much yours to do with as thou wilt.

Really, only the worst of writing and direction could tear me away from the like of Poirot, Foyle, Sherlock... and, now, Miss Fisher. From the looks of this first episode, I'll be very happy for quite some time.

Set in the age of the flapper, but in Australia instead of America or Europe, Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries takes the eponymous character from inciting incident through perilous twists and turns and on to a quite satisfying denouement with a twist that, while a little cliche, is still satisfying that's due to both the journey that got us there and the side characters that populate the background.

Phryne Fisher (Essie Davies), a titled heiress with plenty of time and money on her hands, returns to Melbourne after a lengthy absence to make sure her relative's murderer gets his just desserts, but that's the season subplot running in small scenes around the main episode plot, the murder of a shipping magnate whose wife is an old friend of Phryne... and the series of events that endanger several persons, including herself, as well as illegal abortion, the cocaine trade, and murder most foul.

While all that is well and good, what really strikes me about the series is how it is utterly dominated by strong women of every sort. There's Phryne, of course, but also her doctor best friend, several different black hats (don't want to spoil), and Phryne's maid and prim aunt, each wonderfully fleshed out in their own way and decidedly complex.

That's not to say that there aren't interesting male characters, but they most certainly take a back seat to their opposite gender here and I love it.

Additionally, it's nice to see a female lead who is decidedly sexual and confident about it (this is the 20's after all, full of women asserting themselves), but not just a piece of meat to be objectified. Sure, her name is a little on the nose in origins (honestly, what parent would do that). In spite of that, though, the presentation teeters on the edge of racy for the era, but never showing more than a tasteful tease. From tangos to Turkish baths, sex is present, but not titillating. A rather classy feat in an age of television where most prosaic procedurals and mysteries are more concerned with having their female leads parading about with their top 3-4 buttons undone for no reason other than ratings.

On the whole, I really dig the style and wit of Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries, even if the mysteries themselves are a bit lacking. Despite that one flaw, there are just too many other, very compelling reasons to watch the show to give it up.

Until tomorrow, Potatoes~

Day Three Hundred and Fifteen - Exile: Episode 1, "Conspiracy, Disease, Family, Homecoming."

Holy Crap! This one snuck up on me!

Such a busy day with so much to do and so little time to do it in, I still managed to tear myself away from work and other responsibilities to sit down to Chinese takeout and Exile from BBC One... and man, was it worth it.

The opening moments have you reeling from a career and, well, life thrown down the toilet when main character Tom (John Sim) must flee his posh existence in London and return to the country where his sister is caring for their Alzheimer's-affected father (Jim Broadbent). While he's there, old demons haunt him amid the new realities of caring for his demented father and the story becomes one of reopening old wounds while dealing with the new ones.

Let me first say that this is some powerfully compelling storytelling. Tom is no saint and its established very early on how complex and flawed his character is. The same is eventually revealed about his father through a combination of flashbacks and present day revelations.

Stretching the moments between are rather poignant bits of weakness and connection as Tom hooks up with an old acquaintance, realizes she's married to his old best mate from school, and has to deal with the fallout of that while trying to piece together a mystery that begins to present itself in the form of old memories, taped confessions, and a steady stream of payments nobody knows anything about in hidden bank accounts.

This is really good television, and I'll be shocked if it doesn't get play over here in the States. It's on Netflix, now, of course, but I haven't heard of it turning up on BBC America yet or PBS (I'll have to search for that later).

The cinematography is pretty high grade, almost feature-level, and the acting is quite tremendous... especially from its two leads. I think I'd love Jim Broadbent in anything, but I'm pretty convinced by his portrayal of Alzheimer's (save for a bit of awkwardness in the beginning that comes off a little rehearsed). Still, kudos to him and John Simm who has just as much, if not more, intensity when it comes to his par.

If you haven't seen Exile and are looking for smart and emotive drama that plays with both ethics and family ties, check it out immediately. One of the best shows I've seen in a long time.

Until tomorrow, Potatoes~

Day Three Hundred and Four - Twin Peaks: Season 2, Episode 22, "It's OVER... It's FINALLY over! *sob*"

THIS IS IT, LADIES AND GERMS!

We've made it at last to the final episode of Twin Peaks (not counting Fire Walk With Me, which isn't available on Instant Stream) and I couldn't be happier!

There's not a lot happening in the mundane world as the grand majority of the episode centers on Coop's travels to The Waiting Room and The Black Lodge, but there are a few things.

Audrey handcuffs herself to the bank vault at the Savings & Loan where Andrew and Pete set off an explosive device left for them by Eckhardt as one last piece of revenge (Pete! No!). No chance of Pete coming back for the sequel if Lynch keeps his hinted promise of returning to Silent Hill-I mean, Twin Peaks-in 25 years when Laura says she will see Agent Cooper again.

Donna packs up and makes ready to leave, but is stopped by her father returning. Due to the charged emotions, thanks to Ben paying a visit, Doc Hayward snaps and pushes Ben down, where he lands face-first into the fireplace stone and possibly fractures his skull.

Andy and Lucy cement their relationship thanks to Andy's pledge to help her bear her child no matter the location or witnesses and they finally confess their love to one another. Just a side note there, I really love the little lilting gasp that Lucy lets out when she hears Andy say it for the first time (at least, in our sight).

That's the mundane world... but the real meat is Coop in The Black Lodge. THIS is David Lynch at his finest and there are a lot of parallels here to the supernatural murder mystery he did for the big screen a few years later, Lost Highway.

At the beginning of the episode, Windham takes Annie behind the Red Curtains at Glastonbury Grove and Coop follows as quickly as he, Truman, Pete, and the Log Lady assemble all the clues. Coop in The Waiting Room and Black Lodge are some of the most mysterious and symbolic sequences from the entire series. Not only does he meet several versions of The Man From Another Place, but also The Giant, Caroline/Annie, Windham Earle, Laura Palmer and her many Doppelgangers, BOB, Leland's Doppel, and Agent Cooper's own Shadow Self.

While there's plenty of mystery, the fun lies in the horror to be found. I just love Laura's Doppelgangers as they scream and flail in reverse and the other Man and his jittering dance is pretty creepy. I especially liked BOB intervening and taking Windham Earle's soul before setting Coop's Doppel on the chase.

I know it shouldn't be funny, but Kyle MacLachlan's gallop when he plays the Doppelganger is so goofy even as it creeps you out. I sort of shudder to think what BOB will do in Agent Cooper's body, since it seems that the Doppel catching Coop means he's no longer in the driver's seat of his own being, but that's half the fun. My own personal theory, thanks to Laura saying she'll see him again in 25 years, is that he's been trapped in The Waiting Room with TMFAP and The Giant for the past two and a half decades, waiting for his vision from that first dream sequence to come true (Laura kissing his older self and whispering the name of her killer).

If there's any justice to the world, Lynch et al. are planning a reunion TV movie (or maybe miniseries) for 2015 that will bring everyone back so that we know what happens, but I'm not holding my breath. The closest we get might be the sendup episode of Psych that aired a few seasons ago (that's available on the Instant Stream~). Either way, there will be no Pete unless they sub in someone in copious bandages. Heh, Pete as the Invisible Man.

You know, despite how rough it could be, there were some truly great moments in the series that really did influence pop and counter culture to a noticeable extend. I mean, you have the aforementioned episode of Psych, but also The Simpsons, The Killing, and many, many more examples all throughout the gamut of media and mediums. Without Twin Peaks, I wonder if we would've gotten X-files or Fringe? Lost or Silent Hill? I doubt it, but that's just my opinion.

In any case, it's been a long, sometimes painful road to this point. October's Couchbound Spooktacular has had many ups and downs... the second season of Twin Peaks being mostly downs... but it's been fun, especially tonight! The Red Curtains always make my day (and frighten me at night). Thanks for joining me and look forward to tomorrow as we get back to our regularly scheduled Couchbound programming with, you guessed it, PONIES!

Until tomorrow, Potatoes~

Day Three Hundred and Three - Twin Peaks: Season 2, Episode 21, "The Die is Cast!"

Penultimate episode time...

...and Annie and Coop fall for a classic horror trope and decide to make love right before they know something big is about to go down!

This episode is entirely about setting up the final confrontation at The Black Lodge between Windham Earle and the White Hats arrayed with Coop.

Leo, doing probably the only good thing I've ever seen him do, releases Major Briggs so he can save Shelly and the Major stumbles off into the woods in a stupor only to be found by Hawk along the side of the road. The Miss Twin Peaks pageant is the deciding factor in in Windham's plan as he aims to take its winner hostage as an offering to open the fear lock on The Black Lodge. Meanwhile, Coop puts the pieces together about the timing of things and Andy breaks the bonsai's pot which alerts Truman to the fact they were being bugged.

Speaking of Andy, not only does Lucy choose him to be the father of her child, but he manages to solve the major puzzle of the pictoglyphs on his own... after staring at it blankly for hours... and tells Coop in the final moments of the episode that it's a map, the fact of which Windham figured out well before them. Windham spirits off Annie (while disguised as The Log Lady), and Coop is left helpless, waving at smoke.

The box subplot with Andrew, Catherine, and Pete gains a new wrinkle, but nothing really to note other than it's finally given that Andrew and Catherine don't trust each other. How the two of them managed to gain a lifelong friend and husband in sweet old Pete is beyond me. I feel bad, cause I know what's coming, but taking this as a virginal run through, there's nothing really to worry about.

There are a few fun touches in the background of this episode that make me smile.

First of all, Audrey has taken to wearing a deep red dress in her first meeting with Ben since she broke her maidenhead with Wheeler last episode. Seeing as how she's usually monochrome in black and white, I find it a bit symbolic. Guess she's more of a temptress now that she's become a fully fledged woman?

Then there are the makeup effects for Windham Earle when he finds Leo has freed the Major. His face is white, eyes reddened, and teeth blacked. His visage is that of a demon or corpse and it goes away the next scene we find him in. Love it!

There's also a moment where Windham is backstage (dressed as The Log Lady, remember?) and Bobby spots him, then looks over to where the real Log Lady is and she has instantaneously disappeared. I have to wonder if that was supposed to be a clue from the spirits of The White Lodge that Bobby is just too thick to understand or if the Log called her away to protect her. I mean, we already know that Bobby is somewhat sensitive to these things since we saw both him and Donna crying after the psychic warning by the Giant earlier in the season.

I think, in the end, I'm just happy that we're almost done. Most of the progress, both in terms of relationships and in regards to the main supernatural plot, is just a checklist of things that needed wrapping up. Can't wait for tomorrow night when we're finally in The Black Lodge and Coop has his final confrontation with Windham.

Until tomorrow, Potatoes~

Day Three Hundred and Two - Twin Peaks: Season 2, Episode 20, "Pete, you are nothing if not a balm for the soul."

We're at the final three, folks, with just tonight, tomorrow, and Thursday left in our month-long Twin Peaks Spooktacular!

Tonight's episode starts us off pretty much where we left off last night, with Ted Raimi's cold, dead face mugging for the camera as emergency workers attempt to lug him (and his oversized chess piece) off the gazebo. From there, Coop, et al., do their best to try and decipher both the pitcoglyphs that were on the wall in Owl Cave and Windham Earle's deadly chess game, not knowing that the bonsai that was supposedly a parting gift from Josie is instead a bug that transmits directly to Windham.

Can't make it too easy on the boys, now can we?

A lot of relationship solidification in this episode... from Shelly and Bobby making nice (aww, poor Gordon) to Wheeler and Audrey making whoopie in his private jet to Coop and Annie slow dancing at the ball. It's cute, but really serves only to underscore that a lot of shit is about to go down at the Miss Twin Peaks pageant.

There's some silly stuff hovering in the periphery, like Lucy announcing that she will decide who she wants to be the father of her child at the pageant and the mayor's irresistible wife continuing to show she's not quite the innocent maid her introductory episodes made her out to be, but there's a lot of serious bits, too. Not only does Windham kidnap and torture Major Briggs, but Catherine and Andrew grow closer to solving the puzzle box that Eckhardt left them and Coop has a vision of The Giant warning him about something.

This episode also marks the return of BOB to the Ghostwood in a more corporeal form instead of just in visions. It looks like he's about to come out and play, which makes sense from a meta sense, considering we're but 90 minutes away from the season (and, sadly, series) finale.

I think what really bugs me about this episode are Windham's motivations. In true Soap Opera fashion, it's a convoluted, wheels-within-wheels plot that requires Coop's nemesis to have coincidentally been a part of Major Brigg's Project Blue Book before he was an FBI Agent. It's one thing for the character to be a madman bent on revenge... but to give him such a far reaching motive and backstory is so boring and cliche. I would've much preferred to have him stumble on BOB and The Black Lodge in his quest to destroy Coop than have the latter be subterfuge.

As I've mentioned previously, the last minute romances for both Coop and Audrey are just way to quick and easy. They are tediously trite with barely any conflict. While it's nice to see Coop paired up with a well-versed woman who can match him quote for quote, I need some meat to their courtship. The same can be said for Audrey and Wheeler. While it's cute that they manage to catch each other on the tarmac, the only real redeeming moment for their scenes is when Wheeler jets off and Pete consoles the lonely Audrey with an invitation to fish, being more fatherly than any character has ever been in the series.

Still, the episode does have its moments... The Giant, BOB, Windham and Leo in a horse costume, "...love may not be enough...", Ted as a corpse... it just feels a little bittersweet. I definitely want it to be over, thanks to the horrendously bad middle episodes this season, but things are just started to get somewhat decent again.

Until tomorrow, Potatoes~

Day Three Hundred and One - Twin Peaks: Season 2, Episodes 18 & 19, "Joxer! Joxer the Mighty, you old so and so!"

Well, I'll be damned... I don't think, when watching back in the day, that I ever noticed the bit role for Ted Raimi as an overly enthusiastic biker whom Windham Earle uses to create another human chess piece for him to kill. It's almost worth it, too, despite the melodramatic camera trickery used in the scene to amp up the death. To be honest, I couldn't stop laughing at Leo's shocked, stuttering gasp... it was so bad.

Elsewhere, Truman is almost killed by Eckhardt's girlfriend, Coop courts Annie (and Gordon courts Shelly), Audrey and Wheeler (Billy Zane) grow closer but the timing is wrong, the police go spelunking for pictoglyphs based on Major Briggs and The Log Lady's brands, and Pete tries to solve a puzzle box that Eckhardt left the Martell/Packard family.

I think that the soapy-est scenes of the episodes revolved around Donna snooping after her mother and finding breadcrumbs that seem to imply that her biological father is Ben Horne (making her Audrey's half-sister).

As with the rest of this portion of Season 2 (basically, everything from Leland's death on), it's boring tripe. To be fair, though, it has been getting better. These two episodes were not nearly as bad as last week's, and it feels like some of the groove is coming back, partially due to focusing more on the supernatural mysteries instead of all the annoying melodrama... and the writing has become a little crisper and entertaining once more. The jokes are funny again, too, like when Coop and Gordon excite Truman's epic hangover to expulsion levels twice!

At the very least, the time of rambling expository monologues seems to have passed. Sure, Windham gets a bit of a wind in his sails when he regales Ted Raimi's biker with a modicum of charm before the pointy end, but other than that we're free of the "tell" in "show, don't tell."

While I still can't believe or empathize with Cooper's whirlwind romance of Heather Graham's Annie, it's better than James' black widow storyline. Annie is an interesting character, but a bit too convenient. I'm sure it would've been much more natural to have the romance develop over the entire season, but I get the feeling that she and Zane were more a last minute stopgap to attempt saving the dying show and were just a case of too little, too late (as mentioned before).

I just wish that someone would explain to me why Andy was rappelling through the ceiling tiles. I mean, I get that he was training for the trip to Owl Cave, but why was he doing it directly in front of Lucy's window? Was there no better place to show off his flailing masculinity?

Ah well, just three short episodes to go... one a day through Halloween and we're done!

Quick shoutout to Mike and Nadine consummating their relationship at The Great Northern, and Bobby getting bent out of shape watching Gordon and Shelly share a few chaste kisses. He never treated her right, anyway. Just because he was better than Leo doesn't mean he was all that good for her. Oh god, I'm starting to talk like a soap watcher! Somebody help me!

Until tomorrow, Potatoes~

Day Two Hundred and Ninety-eight - Twin Peaks: Season 2, Episodes 16 & 17, "First Tony Jay, Now David Warner. A Pity."

I don't know whether to attribute it to the general lack of caring everyone seemed to have at this point in the second season or an attempt at capriciousness on behalf of the writers, but David Warner appeared (with fire in his eyes)... and then he died.

What a waste.

The same thing happened to Tony Jay a few episodes ago when he appeared at Leland's funeral, then died almost as quick and in flagrante delicto with the woman every man loves (literally). Sure, prime time television is full of examples of special celebrity guest stars showing up as one-off villains and victims. It's almost tradition. Still, I would've preferred more from the infamous Thomas Eckhardt.

Where first season Josie and Catherine sparred with mysterious trysts and subtle acts and double crosses you didn't see coming, the final repose of the Sheriff's femme fatale girlfriend is a quick deluge of madness, murder, and fright... as she scared... herself... to death!

Mwahahahahaaaaaablech.

While not as horrendously bad as last night's episode, today's double feature is only a notch or two above it. Not even the introduction of two new characters can save the season (or series) in my eyes... not Heather Graham's Annie or Billy Zane's convenient cowboy. It's funny just how easily Audrey falls under Zane's spell due to the behind the scenes shenanigans by Laura Flynn Boyle, or so rumor says. And it's just those sorts of rumors that make it easy to see how little both the actress and character cared that James was leaving the series.

They are just rumors, though, so I shouldn't pay them any mind. Can't help but think about the whole thing in that context, however. Once a seed of doubt is planted, it takes root.

There's a little bit of the supernatural to brighten things up, but it's still being done in a haphazard way that feels more like a token effort than actual, intentional plotting. Whether it's BOB or The Man from Another Place howling/dancing on Josie's corpse or her soul apparently imprinting itself on a knob, I feel like it's too little, too late.

More bad acting and pointless scenes... Truman goes bonkers, there's an inexplicable fashion show/ferret mauling, and Coop meets his soul mate. How quickly he forgets Audrey. Oh well. Windham Earle is supposed to be a looming threat as he plays around with the three current contenders for Miss Twin Peaks. His disguises are laughable at best, suspicious at worst. If I were Donna or Shelly, I would've called Coop and Truman immediately.

But that's shitty writing for you.

The fire is officially gone, I think. There is very little that could save this series from itself (not even Fire Walk With Me, if it were available on Instant Stream). I knew this was going to happen, of course, but it's hard to have it play out day by day, continuously. I almost wish that I had skipped the weekend horror flicks for our Spooktacular, just so this would've been over quicker. Twin Peaks is a mad dog, at this point... waiting to be put down. Just a few short days left, though. I can make it. I hope.

Until tomorrow, Potatoes~

Day Two Hundred and Ninety-seven - Twin Peaks: Season 2, Episode 15, "Windham Earle: Human Trainer, Murderer, Amateur Hardy Impersonator"

God... it's almost work at this point. I'm only watching because I made a promise, both to myself and to you, dear readers, to watch the entirety of Twin Peaks during the month of October. I take that back, though. It's not work. Work implies something productive.

This is torture.

A semi-crazed Leo walked into Windham's den at the end of last night's episode and tonight? Well, tonight, Leo is being tutored and conditioned like a misbehaving puppy... via shock collar. Elsewhere, James is framed for murder by a mysteriously repentant black widow and her brother/lover conspirator, but that wraps up pretty quick (for lack of anything else to do, methinks). Norma and Ed whisper sweet nothings while Nadine continues to obsess over Donna's ex-boyfriend thanks to her regression to high school. Thomas Eckhardt (David Warner) pays a call to Josie and Catherine for dinner and, lastly, Ben recreates the end of the Civil War (this time the North loses) with the help of Audrey, Bobby, Jerry, and Dr.Jacoby.

And it's all so much dreck.

It's like we're living in a duller, more pathetic parallel universe to the original Twin Peaks where all the magic has been sucked out of everything and been replaced by... by... I don't even know how to articulate the levels they've sunk to here. We are so far beyond saving the show that I can only explain it with the concept that everyone involved must have been actively trying to kill the show. Really. That's the only explanation that I can come up with... because, surely, we have fallen to madness when the first thing Albert and Truman do upon seeing each other is hug enthusiastically.

While I am able to maintain a cool and collected outward appearance in these waning moments of the Spooktacular, there's a part of my inner self... a rather large part... that can be visualized as a cackling loon, shaken and disheveled, rocking back and forth in a padded room while whispering secrets and lies to no one in particular. Maybe that's the ultimate truth of the series: revealing Laura's killer has driven us all insane. Oh, God! None of this is real!

These are dark days for me, my friends... dark days, indeed.

Day Two Hundred and Ninety-six - Twin Peaks: Season 2, Episode 14, "Danger! Danger, Will Robinson!"

Hoo-boy, and I thought yesterday was a bad night for Twin Peaks and its second season doldrums. In comparison, it almost feels like a pleasant dream. We are quite figuratively reaching critical soap opera mass here in terms of terrible writing and loss of atmosphere.

Where the Agent Cooper of old would rely on obscure practices and folksy wisdom, he now pontificates on times past, reeling off exposition at the drop of a hat but never going anywhere with it. And it's not just him doing so. I've heard more cheesy soap monologues in the last forty minutes than I've heard in the entirety of the rest of the episodes previous combined... and they're bad ones at that.

What... is... happening?

It's like everything that made the series wonderful, mysterious, and stylish has been sucked out of the production like so much marrow from a bone (please forgive the horrendous simile). While the show only occasionally bordered on genius, at least you could always count on it to make you think or scratch your head in confusion at the wacky symbolism and visions. Or you used to be able to, anyway.

Guh.

Coop, newly deputized while he remains on suspension (despite being cleared of all charges), begins investigating the corpse that Windham Earle has left as his move in their chess game. Instead of throwing rocks at a bottle or something else equally ridiculous (but effective) all Cooper does is say he's at a loss... then confesses (in a monologue) to plot and backstory.

Then there's Doc Hayward who does pretty much the same thing about Andy and Dick's orphan problem child, Little Nicky, giving a long, rambling sob story that brings both men to tears. Add to that James and his stupid side story coming to fruition (with a monologue from his black widow lover) and I can't help but wonder if Lynch had literally run out of ideas and was just winging it with cliches and hack writing. Oh, and Leo is up and ambulatory... but more a Frankenstein's Monster than a Jack Torrence, lumbering about as he is with that axe.

Seriously... this is the worst prime time television writing that I have ever witnessed. I could almost forgive it for a meta sort of self-awareness, but they're betraying so much character development that had been building these past twenty or so episodes that I can't even blame the network for canceling. I think that I blacked out all memory of just how bad it got since the last time I watched the series (marathoning my sister's VHS tapes well over a decade ago).

I mean... wow... just, wow.

Thinking back, there's not a single moment of this episode that I enjoyed. The only thing that looked vaguely interesting was when Lucy swatted the fly and left a huge, bloody smear... but not even The Owls were able to pull me up tonight.

We're in troubled times, my friends. Troubled times, indeed, and I'm starting to feel desperate. The only thing keeping me sane is the light at the end of the tunnel that is November, but that will only bring upon me a new, even worse madness (NaNoWriMo). We'll see if I survive.

Until tomorrow, Potatoes~