Monday, September 30, 2013

Day Two Hundred and Seventy-three - Nude Nuns With Big Guns, "What a disturbing hybrid..."

...of grindhouse and soft-core porn.

No, seriously, that's what this film is, a movie that couldn't decide whether it was a skinemax "fapper of the week" or a revenge exploitation flick.

Set in the generic desert towns of southwest America where the only businesses appear to be drugs, the clergy, and the sex trade (and are all one and the same), Nude Nuns tells the story of a psychopathic lesbian nun who was been pushed over the edge thanks to all of the sexual and physical abuse she has endured at the hands of corrupt Catholic priests who are in collusion with some Sons of Anarchy wannabes.

It seems as if every priest and monk, even up to the diocese cardinal, himself, is a button-man or don in an organized crime ring that uses subservient nuns clothed only in their coifs (meaning they are, of course, nude from the neck down) to package and smuggle bricks of cocaine. Who buys these packs of uncut Lik-M-Aid is beyond me as I cannot recall a single exchange of anything besides the drugs and women that pass between the Clergy and the Gang every other scene.

For the most part, the movie is just an excuse to go from nude scene to nude scene as every woman in the film is either on display for all to see, raped, or murdered for the lamest of reasons (or, all of the above). Every girl is a lesbian until she wants dick... and, even if she doesn't, a penis is usually forced upon her.

I hate to say it, but this has to be the single most misogynistic film I have ever seen and there's barely any comeuppance for the perpetrators in comparison to the sheer amount of raping and pillaging that they do. What little revenge there is to be found barely makes a dent in the karmic backlog that Chavo and his compatriots owe the universe.

To be honest, the only positive I can find in the film, aside from the occasional grindhouse video effects such as artistic color saturation and comic book transitions, is the wailing sax soundtrack that makes up about roughly half of the score. It reminds me of Angelo Badalamenti's work in Twin Peaks and Lost Highway... all raw arpeggios and vicious chord structure.

I wouldn't be surprised to find out that there's a "European Cut" that's even more graphic as its almost shot like the vanilla, pay cable version of 90's era action erotica where they could but shift the camera a few feet and turn it into straight up rape porn. As it stands, the film is unrated (and, no doubt, would've garnered an NC-17 or X rating had they submitted it) for graphic violence, nudity, and strong sexual content.

In the end, I cannot forgive the massive amounts of gratuitous rape in this film. It's a touchy enough subject to have in film in the first place... but here it's apparently used to titillate and that I just cannot condone.

Stay away, folks... stay far, far away.

Until tomorrow, Potatoes~

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