Saturday, June 29, 2013
Day One Hundred and Eighty - The Longest Yard, "It's like The Replacements... but with no heart or tact."
I can't tell if its just that he's out of ideas, considering this is just a flimsy remake of a classic film, or if he surrounds himself with terrible writers and pitch-men. Either way, what should've been at least a decent update instead was an unbalanced, top heavy crapfest.
Taking the lead role once held by costar Burt Reynolds, Sandler plays ex-footballer Crewe who is sent to prison for parole violations and forced to put together a team of cons to fight the Warden's (James Cromwell) guards who are all semi-pro.
I mean, it's Texas... and they take their football seriously there.
Perhaps, too seriously.
Anyway, with the help of former Heisman winner Scarborough (Reynolds) and prison scrounger Caretaker (Chris Rock), Crewe manages to win over the toughest cons with the biggest grudges, all to take on the sadistic guards.
It's formula, for the most part... and that's kind of the problem, because they don't stick to it, instead inserting your typical Sandlerian comedy beats that just ruin key moments. I was especially mad at point late in the third act where Sandler has his old standby Rob Schnieder do his apparently contractually obligated "You can DO EET" moment that just immediately pulls you entirely out of the film.
As much as the movie is filled with great characters and subsequent character potential, it's hindered by the need to be ridiculous. I mean, honestly, Terry Crews is a physical comedy genius, but making his gimmick entirely about McDonalds? Pathetic. It's great to see old hats like Bob Sapp and Michael Irvin, but they're used so disappointingly.
Honestly, the only redeeming feature of the film is the soundtrack... which was like listening to what Madden has been doing for the past decade, giving a great combination of solid Rock, Techno, and Hiphop.
If you're looking for a much better zero-to-hero football movie, I'd definitely recommend The Replacements or Varsity Blues over this.
Until tomorrow, Potatoes~