Day One Hundred and Ninety-five - The Expendables 2, "Oh, look at all the CGI blood, tanks, and helicoptors!"

The first Expendables was enough in my book... but, obviously, they made enough that a second was in the cards, grabbing aging stars and macho men alike for a treatise maximus of gun porn where bad guys die by the dozens and the only friendly casualty is the new kid who telegraphed his exit by giving a cliche life goal, two days from retirement.

Ugh.

Seriously, it's movies like this that make me sad for the state of the film industry.

With absolutely no characterization or development aside from "*grunt* Stallone SMASH," The Expendables 2 is just a series of poorly conceived action set-pieces strung together where the good guys have dead-eye aim and the bad guys can't hit the broadside of a barn. I was literally expecting JCVD's team of eurotrash mercenaries to show up at some point in black painted Stormtrooper armor, their aim was so terrible.

Not only that, though, but the big name cameos are there strictly so one-liners from movies past... actually DECENT movies past... can be bounced off each other without the slightest bit of irony.

I mean, seriously? "Yippie-kai-yay?" "I'll be back?" "Terminated?" It's not even cute.

I also hate the way the lower tier buff dudes of the crew, Randy Couture and Terry Crews are relegated to the background. At the very least, Crews has a lot more chops than the film gives him credit for, instead saving a lot of the filler time for walking meat-slab Dolph Lundgren. I would much rather see the former on The Newsroom than the latter with JCVD in whichever incarnation of Universal Soldier they manage to find investors to bilk for.

Methinks the icing on the poison-filled cake for me was when Chuck Norris swaggered on into the picture to save the day in the middle of the second act only to swagger back out after spouting a few internet jokes. Of course he shows up again for the climax, but why spoil a perfectly horrendous movie by sticking to its own establish continuity ("He works alone..." 'cept when he doesn't wanna.)?

The Expendables 2 is definitely a paycheck movie for the copious action stars that fill its ranks, but not so much for the CGI artists in charge of everything from blood spatter to actual vehicles. When you make a feature like this, you shouldn't have effects that look like they belong in whatever Shark Vs. movie that SyFy puts out every week.

If you're looking for any sort of quality... stay far, far away from The Expendables 2. If, on the other hand, your sole purpose for being is to see god-mode matches of Modern Warfare play out, it's probably right up your alley... and I'll just have no respect for you, then.

Until tomorrow, Potatoes~

Day One Hundred and Thirty-eight - Cop Land, "How crime noir should be, for the most part."

When you think police drama, just off the top of your head... would you ever consider Sylvester Stallone could make it as a vulnerable, kowtowed sheriff to a bridge and tunnel police community in Jersey?

I mean, really? Stallone?

But, when you watch him do it... it's really not so bad. Especially when you consider he doesn't really have to act all that much. His lines are few and far between and, basically, all that's required of him is to look a bit sad and mopey, even when he's smiling... because, for the majority of the film, he's a broken down lapdog to the real movers and shakers of Garrison, NJ, the mobbed up corrupt cops who live there.

That's where most of the acting talent in this film lies: Harvey Keitel, Ray Liotta, Robert Patrick, Michael Rapaport, and Peter Berg are NYPD... but dirty, so very dirty, and the majority of the film revolves around Rapaport's faked suicide and the fallout it brings down on the members of the 37th precinct.

Nominally, Stallone is the lead as Cop Land's resident Sheriff Freddy, but I find myself feeling that it's more about the ensemble. Whether it's Keitel's Ray or Liotta's Figgsy, the drama that plays out for the folks in the know of Garrison is compelling, even if the writing is weak.

I think my favorite scenes revolved around Robert De Niro's internal affairs investigator who first appeals to Freddy's sense of justice and duty but then refuses to help when Ray has the mayor shut down the investigation. This, of course, forces Freddy to take matters into his own hands, leading to the eventual climax.

A few things do bother me about the film.

For one thing, there are some weird as heck casting choices. While Stallone as the stoic lead was jarring at first, I kind of grew into it, but Janeane Garofalo as a deputy? And Annabella Sciorra doesn't exactly have much in the way of screen time, which is disappointing since she's supposed to be a key motivator for Freddy's life.

Then there's the kidnapping of Rapaport's "Superboy" Babitch by Ray's inner circle during the climax. There's no nod as to how they knew that Sheriff Freddy had found him and was ready to bring him to One Police Plaza and tear everything down. I didn't need much, just something, you know?

Still, that very same climax has one of the best sequences in police drama history where Freddy is almost completely deafened by a gunshot and is forced to confront the inner circle at Ray's only hearing the bullets flying. It's great cinema and very effective use of sound direction as the audience only hears what Freddy does... the ringing of tinnitus and the occasional pistol report.

As much as I love the climax, though, I just couldn't help but laugh at John Spencer's death scene with it's obvious boxy squibs and his ham-fisted gunplay.

It's not a perfect movie, but it's actually pretty darn interesting and worth the watch. It's definitely not The Departed, but it works.

Until tomorrow, Potatoes~