Day Three Hundred and Forty-two - Chrome Shelled Regios: Episodes 1-4, "I... I have no idea what's going on."

I try and give every anime that shows up on Netflix a chance.

If you've been following Couchbound for a while, you've probably noticed that there are precious few titles of any quality. I've covered a few, but most of them are stinkers and they're pretty much all courtesy of Funimation. I think I could count on my hands the ones that are actually worth it.

Still, you have to give a series and/or movie the benefit of the doubt. There's no such thing as "once burned, twice shy" when it comes to media. One day an author/director/producer is making crap, the next it's genius or vice versa, see Michael Bay for the latter.

Anyways, I think I must sadly report that Chrome Shelled Regios isn't a sterling example of anything. I'm pretty sure it's not the worst title available on the Instant Stream, but it's not that great.

For one thing, I don't think the author (or adapters) know how to tell a compelling story. I could be very wrong, considering that the light novel series that the anime is based of off is a moderate success with over 20 volumes and 4.5 million copies sold. Would that I had those numbers. Still, just looking at the first four episodes of the series, I have absolutely NO idea what is really going on and find nothing all that nifty about the main characters... or the side characters... or the flashback characters.

Yeah... there are a LOT of characters.

Take, for instance, the nominal leads... there's Layton, Nina, and Felli. They're all major archetypes, particularly connected to manga culture. Layton is the wandering hero trying to escape his past through gentleness, Nina is the weak child trying to become a strong (but, ultimately, brittle) adult, and Felli is the silver-haired silent Hime (princess) with no emotional affect. It's a role I've seen dozens of times before and done much better elsewhere: Rei in Neon Genesis Evangelion, Nagato Yuki in The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi.

Then there are the side characters... the over protective brother, the ladies' man rake, the trio of energetic girls (one of whom has a doomed crush on the lead). Bleh. Each and every one of them is an obvious trip down character creation lane (Yay, Central Casting!) and each and every one of them is boring as hell.

Finally, there are the flashback characters... who only start showing up in episode 3 for random bits of poorly voice acted drama/action. That means something, coming from me, just how bad the voice acting is... because it's all in English (while the dystopia scenes are all in Japanese with English subtitles). Really, really BAD English. I can't tell if it's just the way of things, that they'll never cast actual native speakers... or if Japanese audiences just wouldn't believe the sounds coming out of our mouths are true language and prefer to hear the gargling emanations of non-fluent pronunciations.

Speaking of the flashbacks, they're confusing as hell. So far they seem to hint that they're happening in our modern day or perhaps the not too distant future, but certainly not the post-apocalyptic deserts of the main storyline where everyone lives in mobile cities and train to skirmish with competing cities for the dwindling resources of the planet. The flashbacks are all black and white (well, purple and white) and horrible.

There are just too many stories going on at once for you to keep track of. Is it a martial drama about Layton's new platoon and how he fits in as a hidden prodigy? Is it a survival story about humanity defeating genetically mutated fiends? What the heck is going on with Layton's girlfriend from his previous town and why is a perverted sexy-gal archetype so interested in her. For that matter, why is the sexy-gal type forcing a devoted follower to hold her throne in her absence?

WHAT IS GOING ON?

I think I would've dropped the series already if I didn't find the occasional gags from Felli to be amusing. There are moments where the art style of her scenes goes into chibi dimensions and it's moe as hell (if you don't know, google). Still, those little moments of awkward humanity and cuteness aren't enough to pull me in, I think, and I'll probably bow out soon... if not right now.

The series has a very steep climb if it's going to survive in my queue... and very little time to do it in. I might give it one more chance, but if it doesn't get any better, I'm out.

Until tomorrow, Potatoes~

Day Three Hundred and Forty - Farscape: Season 2, Episode 16, "Time Flies When You're Trapped in a Halo of It."

For all of you regular Whovian watchers out there, if you haven't seen Farscape, I'm pretty confident to say that it was much superior despite having similar aesthetics and budget. Maybe that's sacrilege, but I'm going to stand by it, and use this episode as an example... because it's one of the "time travel" ones.

The episode starts us off in mid-crisis as Aeryn Sun has been off-ship scouting a mysterious mass of interstellar mist and is late for her rendezvous with Moya. When she does return, she seems to have aged hundreds of cycles (years) and is an old woman. It seems as though the mist is a "Halo" of time in which Moya has become trapped and while only a small amount of time has passed for them, years and years are passing for the planet they observe through a disappearing vortex.

This is one of those great thought problem episodes that I believe Farscape is spectacular for. What are the implications of a thought experiment gone awry, as in "what happens to John and Aeryn when they get stuck in Time's passing lane for 55 years (200+ for Aeryn). It's one of those soft scifi conundrums that are only glanced upon in other shows (Doctor Who) or are merely used as a device (TNG, Deep Space Nine).

While it's not exactly the stuff of philosophical legend or anything, the premise is delivered with a good deal more tact and style than in other places, I think. But that's mainly just opinion. I can see where arguments would be leveled against me thanks to the very Deus Ex way the crew solves their "out of time" predicament, but I find that it's easier to forgive Farscape their shortcuts than the ones we find in other shows like Doctor Who.

I also really like the device of the eponymous locket, which holds the image of Aeryn's one true love of her life, which has disintegrated when the now memory stricken John and Aeryn look inside of it at the end of the episode. A metaphor for roads not taken or just the promise of things yet to come (fans of the series know which)... either way, great stuff. 

There is one thing I find a bit of a disservice, though. At the end of the episode, only Zhaan and Stark remember the events from inside the mist, to explain how they would choose not to enter the Halo to begin with. With those memories, they speculate that the offspring that Aeryn have quite possibly avoided paradox thanks to the infinite universes theory.

Let me say that such an aside really annoys me... especially since Deep Space Nine had done a similar episode several years earlier (Children of Time) that took the brave path and made the consequences for rewriting history very harsh indeed (the complete erasure of the Defiant Crew's descendants from the continuum). I definitely would've gone the brave route, not because it's been done before, but because it would add to the emotional burdens of Zhaan and Stark to know that the crew of Moya, in order to save themselves, doomed probably dozens of innocents to nonexistence. This would be especially poignant from Stark's perspective, considering his "dispersal" the very next episode.

I have to admit, though, that THIS is what I wanted Doctor Who to be in terms of soft scifi adventure. A pity that it rarely comes close.

Until tomorrow, Potatoes~

Day Three Hundred and Thirty-eight - Chuck: Season 2, Episode 4, "High School... Sucks for Everyone."

I don't know if I've mentioned it before, but I didn't have the greatest of times in High School. That said, seeing Yyvonne Strahovski all dweebed up and not enjoying her time as a teenager, playing the role that I did (just gender swapped) back then, is a bit of a stretch.

Still, in spite of this episode's shortcomings, it's still a fun time.

The whole plot revolves around a chance encounter that Sarah and Chuck have at the Buy More with a ghost from Sarah's path... a former tormentor who remembers her from days gone by, a cheerleader who married another dweeb. It seems this cheerleader (who looks suspiciously like that gal Paris Hilton pal'd around with back in the day) has both the skinny on Sarah's past and a darker angle with the Russian mob.

Meanwhile, Chuck has the dubious pleasure of wowing Nicole Richie's dork of a husband (whom she's betraying) with the mystique of Agent Carmichael's reputation as a "mad dog" courtesy of John Casey's awesome CQC skills and some convenient timing/misrepresentations. That's not all on Chuck's mind, though, as this brush with Sarah's past has him pressing her for more info... facts that she is less than willing to divulge.

Then there's the silly Buy More B-plot where Morgan, Lester, et al. almost ruin the store by bartering away all of their profits by all but giving away big-ticket items for pennies on the dollar. Really, there's no reason to have this bit other than to justify paying Gomez, Sahay, and the rest.

While not the strongest of episodes, it doesn't manage to sneak in some good moments of emotional intimacy for Chuck and Sarah, as he flails about trying to break down her defenses concerning her past and the secret of her criminal father that she tries to keep wrapped up tight with hostility and mental barriers. Most of the tension comes to a head during a cathartic fight between Sarah and Nicole Richie which seems more than just a little justified. At the end of the day, though, the best moment for me was that little bit of denouement that we get at the end where Chuck just accepts Sarah for who she is now, that being all he needs to know. If only Sarah could do the same (don't worry, she will... spoiler alert).

Silly, schlocky, b-movie spy action and drama... but Chuck is still darned fun. Plus there's plenty of wish fulfillment as the nerd getting the girl (without the help of copious amounts of Silicon Valley cash) is delicious.

Until tomorrow, Potatoes~

Day Three Hundred and Thirty-seven - Dr.Who: Series 2, Episodes 8-11, "BINGE WATCHING HOOO~"

I think, if I'm going to make any progress towards finishing the seasons currently on Netflix before the year is out, I'm definitely going to have to marathon the series to even come close. Which brings us to our first entry in our December Doctor push which feature homicidal televisions, the Devil, and vlogging.

Fresh off their victory over the Cybermen in the alternate earth where they left Mickey behind, The Doctor and Rose head to 1950's England to witness the coronation of QE2 (monarch, not cruise ship) and run afoul of a sentient television program who feeds off of the electrical activity of the people who watch... THE WIRE... which, for some reason takes their faces off as well.

Of course, during the episode, Rose manages to get blank-faced as well, but don't worry, The Doctor manages to save the day and re-visage both his companion and the entire populace of face-eaten Northenders, not to mention free a family from an abusive father figure and collaborate with the local constabulary.

"Huuuuunnngggrrrryyyy." Bleh. -3 Points. Rose potentially dying a Blank-face? +4 Points. Deus Ex'd Human again? -3 Points.

Next, is another two-parter which pits the Doctor and the last surviving researchers of a black hole and the mysteriously powerful gravity well that is keeping a planet in stable orbit where it really, really, really shouldn't be. It appears that there is something very dark and ominous buried deep under the planet... something that The Doctor just cannot believe to be true... THE DEVIL! Cue mysterious body tattoos, possession, murder, and the mind control of a sentient slave race (the morality of which are only briefly lampshaded) who are used against the humans (and timelord) in an attempt to free THE DEVIL from his eternal prison.

CGI Devil? +1 Point. Doctor having to confront said Devil and waffling over whether or not to defeat him at the cost of Rose (who is, of course, Deus Ex saved at the last second)? -3 Points.

Finally is a single episode which mostly doesn't feature The Doctor at all, as he and Rose only briefly show up in the life of a young Vlogger who is chasing after Doctor sightings thanks to all of the events that have happened during the course of the modern series. A twenty/thirtysomething wastrel named Elton goes about chronicling his brushes with The Doctor and finds several like-minded people... who give him a family. That is, of course, until a domineering personality inserts himself into the group and takes over for his own reasons, while Elton's new family slowly starts disappearing.

I kind of like this one both for it's unique storytelling style, the minor personal dramas of the L.I.'nD.A. members, Moaning Myrtle, how little of The Doctor and Rose we actually see, and the Scooby-chase. Always love me a good Scooby-chase.

Less Doctor? +2 Points. Myrtle? +1 Point. Scooby-chase? +5 Points.

End Tally? +4 Points! Fair play to The Doctor, though he really can't claim much credit as it was Elton and L.I.'nD.A. who gave him such a positive lead.

I think I've found a way to survive the show while binge watching. Diablo 3. Some might call it cheating to multitask in such a way, but I find that I can still watch the show (and be annoyed with it) while grinding out rares and seaching for the ever elusive 1k DPS weapons, legendaries, and set pieces. Pretty sure that is going to be my routine for pounding out the series. If anyone has any objections, take it up with my lawyers! Just let me tell you that The Doctor is MUCH more enjoyable this way.

Until tomorrow, Potatoes~

Day Three Hundred and Thirty-six - Farscape: Season 1, Episode 15, "Ghosts of the Past and Future Allies."

I don't think I can decide on what it was that first drew me to Farscape.

Sure, there's the obvious fact that its early marketing heavily banked on their Jim Henson Creature Shop connection as all (or, at least, the majority) of the aliens were designed by the famous puppet studio, but it also came into being during the latter end of my adolescence and beginnings of my adult life, when I was strive to find my own way in this world and its narrative of independence, discovery, survival, and friendship rather appealed to me.

Plus, it was set in space.

LEXX has come out just a few years previous and they both had strikingly similar aesthetics and roughness when it came to sets and effects, rather like Doctor Who in that regard, but where LEXX went the soft-core porn route with most of its stories, Farscape, while not without sexual drive to its characters (particularly Zhaan and Chiana), was more grounded in its space opera adventure roots. Throwing human John Crichton (Ben Browder) to the far corners of the universe to mix with several unrecognizable species and quite a few that are decidedly human-like, Farscape takes the pulp scifi adventure serials of yesteryear and has quite a bit of fun with them.

In this episode, a terror from crew regular Rigel's past returns to torment him while an "antisocial" prisoner is held captive by a representative of her brainwashing society. As the episode progresses, Rigel attempts to kill his old foe which leads to a series of events that revives their rivalry, finds the mindcop murdered, and allows the thought criminal to ally with Crichton and become a member of the crew.

Not that I'll ever complain about Chiana as her sensual trickster goddess was a welcome addition to the repressed crew (John and Aeryn denying their feelings, D'Argo still in mourning over his lost love, Rigel a fop, and Zhaan... well... untouchable despite her allure), but I have to wonder at the reasoning of the crew. Was it a transparent attempt to add some sex appeal to the show to attract lonely nerds like me in the late ninties, or was there something deeper involved, an aspect of interpersonal chemistry missing that the producers thought would be fulfilled by adding her character?

Pandering or not, I admit that I liked Chiana. Sex appeal aside, the crew was a bit male heavy and the addition of another female archetype helped balance the weird dichotomy that Zhaan and Aeryn had going, one the peace-loving priestess and the other a violent warrior woman.

Now that I think about it... her addition really does feel like rounding out an RPG party. Zhaan is the priest, Aeryn is the Ranger, D'argo is the Warrior, Rigel the Bard, Crichton the Techno-mage, and Chiana the Thief. Yeah, that definitely makes me much more comfortable.

Getting back to the episode, I like how its mostly about Rigel and his old foe and not so much about introducing Chiana. So often, opener episodes for new characters almost exclusively revolve around them and their troubles... how the crew of the Enterprise or the Galactica or Voyager come upon this individual in conflict and offer them and their people the chance of a lifetime. While its true, by the end of the epi, the same happens here, for the most part, it's Rigel's old jailer systematically dividing and conquering on Moya. Sure, it's a little deus ex that Crichton just happens to be able to repair Rigel's failed explosive to save the day, but my point is Chiana is a bit of an afterthought and that's a good thing.

Overall, this was a fun episode that is only disappointing when it comes to how easily the villain is foiled. I think I would've much preferred to have him regain his old self secretly and slowly torment Rigel and the others over the course of several episodes without revealing himself, making you wonder just who the real bad guy is, him or Chiana. But, that was not for me to decide. As it stands, I'm pretty happy with both the epi and the addition of Chiana to the cast.

Until tomorrow, Potatoes~

Day Three Hundred and Twenty - Chuck: Season 1, Episode 10, "Black Friday Blues"

Perhaps I should've saved this episode for next week, but I can't help but stumble onto holiday episodes when I binge watch, and this one was seen fortuitously close to the holiday it's supposed to cover, so... what the heck.

It's a CHUCK Family Thanksgiving!

To catch folks up since the last episode I blogged about was the pilot, Chuck Bartowski was entrusted with a super-MacGuffiny bit of fake technology, a computer program that downloads itself into his head thanks to his old rival, a CIA Agent named Bryce Larkin, who was thought to be dead for the past nine episodes or so, but shows up completely recovered and ready to screw things up. This is especially true since Sarah used to be together with Bryce, but was kissing Chuck (finally!) during the last few ticks of a supposed bomb they were unable to defuse and were thusly doomed, making it okay to bring out the tongue.

Draaaamaaaaaaa~

Anyways, THIS episode features Bryce trying to reinsert himself both in Sarah's love life and Chuck's spy life as he is hunted by a secret evil CIA faction called Fulcrum. Meanwhile, Morgan and Anna are dealing with her jealousy issues at Thanksgiving dinner concerning Ellie. Oh, and Chuck catches Bryce and Sarah snogging at dinner the day before a giant Black Friday shootout at the Buy More, which leaves the episode on a cliffhanger of whether she will chase after her old flame or stick with the new.

Ouch.

CHUCK is and always shall be cheese, but it's fun cheese, scratching my lonely gamer geek wish-fulfillment urges. Even the perpetual, back-stabbing losers of the cast, Lester and Jeff, manage to live full and happy lives at their dead end retail jobs!

It's weird that it just openly acknowledges that we live as sheep in a wide, conspiracy driven world where we are saved from disaster only through luck and perseverance from dedicated hotties (Yvonne Strahovski) and gruff John Wayne types (Adam Baldwin) and there are always bigger, more secretive nefarious organizations to thwart. Maybe that fact makes it easier for real life New World Order conspiracies to keep us as content consumers, but you can't prove it... and maybe that's the point. Scary thought.

Until tomorrow, Potatoes~

Day Three Hundred and Thirteen - Leverage: Pilot, "It Takes A Thief Meets the A-Team... Week to Week."

I've been on a pilot kick recently, for two reasons: first, with NaNoWriMo eating up the majority of my time, I really don't have time for movies, and second, instead of just going down the list of one particular series, I want to give the blog a variety of different programs. Granted, so far, it seems to be either Anime or Adventure series, but still... due diligence. I'll try and slide in a few documentary or reality shows this coming week, but today it's another modern actioner... Leverage.

Part of TNT's lineup of feel good action-dramas, Leverage rides the fine line between black hats and vigilante justice as a former insurance investigator rounds up half a dozen of his former adversaries to take down corrupt individuals and corporations who have beaten down regular folk like us. Like the A-Team, Mission:Impossible, and It Takes a Thief, each weekly episode covers a confidence job set to balance the scales between the evil takers and the little folk they've wronged through the use of the specialist skills of each team member, be they cat burglars, grifters, hackers, etc..

In this first episode, the team is assembled at the behest of a supposedly wronged aerospace engineer who convinces team leader Nate (Timothy Hutton) to take down a high profile competitor by making it personal. I say "supposedly" because, after the job is done, the engineer double-crosses them... revealing that he was the corrupt big bad all along.

I do like the series, for several reasons.

First of all, as evidenced in this and every other episode, Leverage plays for the little guy. It's a feel good show that feeds on my innate desire stick it to the man through superior mental skills. A very "nyah, nyah, we got you" sort of juvenile fantasy.

Second, it definitely banks on its cool factor. Whether it's the hip jazz soundtrack or the very Ocean's Eleven mentality when it comes to cinematography and pacing, Leverage keeps its quirky stable of characters amped with style and likability. You don't just want them to succeed, you want to watch them exude that certain je ne sais quoi as they go from first act setup to second act false finish to third act "we had you all along." It's very formulaic and predictable, but fun... all to smokey club tunes that sit well with an Old Fashioned.

Finally, I like how its packaged. Like other episodic adventures that were mentioned previously, its a bite-sized adventure that gives you a gamut of emotions over the course of the forty to fifty minutes or so of content. There's mild tension where necessary and satisfying comeuppance in the climax and falling action when the tricks and misdirects are revealed. Sure, it's beyond predictable, but that's sort of pleasing in its own way.

If you're into these sorts of episodic, feel good actioners, Leverage definitely works. The pilot here establishes everyone in a balanced fashion and gives you a satisfying series of twists and turns. Worth watching for groundbreaking content? Probably not, but it is the kind of series that is easy to have on in the background, good for its palliative effects after a long day of being ground down by the system.

Until tomorrow, Potatoes~

Day Three Hundred and Twelve - CHUCK: Pilot, "Yvonne Stahovski... you have got to be the sexiest Aussie in existence."

And I say that despite the cheese that is CHUCK. Don't get me wrong, it's a pleasure to watch the geeky spy/love story play out, but it's still cheese... and that's okay.

Set in suburban Los Angeles with its home base either being the Buy More (Best Buy analog) or the apartment that Chuck shares with his sister and her boyfriend (both doctors), CHUCK is an ode to the inner fanboy in all of us late Gen Xers/early Gen Yers. I mean, Chuck (Zach Levi) gets to live the dream and become a reluctant spy who goes on adventures while being babysat by the beautiful CIA Agent Sarah (Yvonne) and her NSA counterpart John Casey (Adam Baldwin).

The pilot sets the tone for the series by setting up disasters of the week that only Chuck, with a joint CIA/NSA database in his head (put there by his ex-friend Bryce Larkin, a rogue agent), can avert via the flashes of intelligence that he gets whenever triggered by sight, sound, or whathaveyou. Of course, he really doesn't want to be at the mercy of our shadowy intelligence services, but it sort of beats his dead-end retail/customer service job where he is either belittled by his colleagues or surrounded by weirdos that he has to call peers.

At its heart, CHUCK is a generic action series with silly, over the top spy antics contrasted with both the need for his cover to be maintained and the definite sparks he feels for the woman who has swooped into his life and changed it so drastically. For that reason, you can kind of see why it was always troubled by ratings woes and hovering on the bubble of cancellation, only being saved at the last moment several times during its 5 season run (2007-12) thanks to massive fan support and even cheesier product placement and tie-in gags from the likes of Subway (Eat Fresh!).

Still the pilot manages to hit decently on quite a few buttons for lonely, wastrel geeks such as myself, stuck in what appear to be endless ruts both in our professional careers and personal lives. I liked it when it aired and still find it appealing now as it plays on the instant stream. Granted, with almost half a decade gone by, I've changed a little and it doesn't play quite as strong as it did on its first run, but it's still fun.

And Yvonne Strahovski is still very, very hot. There's a reason she was tapped (teehee) to both model for and voice Miranda Lawson in the Mass Effect series... Rawr! (Side note: costar Adam Baldwin also voiced a character, a Quarian named Kal'Reegar).

Quick shoutout to guest star Matthew Bomer who plays Chuck's old college buddy (the one who ruined his academic career and stole his sweetheart... or did he?), Bryce Larkin. He makes a few appearances throughout the series, but never plays all that active a part other than to serve as a point of contention to spice of the love issues between Chuck and Sarah. He's shown up in a few movies like In Time and Magic Mike and is the lead on his own USA series, White Collar.

Also be on the lookout for Tony Todd who makes several appearances as a CIA director. Always love to see Tony getting work.

Until tomorrow, Potatoes~

Day Three Hundred and Nine - Okami-san and Her Seven Companions, "Trope, tropes, tropes."

It's a sad fact that the grand majority of anime out there aren't going to make any waves in terms of quality or storyline or style.

Like American television, there are plenty of shows that are made year after year purely to see if they'll stick. Sure, the market strategy for anime is year round and all about saturation, trying to find that magic title that will outsell all the rest, and not limited to regular fall and spring sweeps scheduling, but even as I type this I realize that this paradigm is changing thanks to Netflix.

Set in a stereotypical Japanese high school, with its typical assortment of quirky characters that follow established character tropes, Okami-san follows the antics of a school club of do-gooders who handle requests from the student body and fulfill them in unusual ways. It's cast is populated by every moe fetish under the sun, from the serious megane (glasses) girl to the buxom and ditsy maid to the precocious loli, every recurring character has its own archetype to inhabit simply for its own sake.

Okami-san, herself is your basic tomboy heroine who solves problems with her fists and has the typically Japanese complex over her lack of a chest. She is being love-love-stalked by the boy in class whom everyone's eyes pass over, which allows him to disappear into the background, a handy trait for a stalker. Confronting her with his feelings, stalker-boy only manages to piss Okami off and the majority of the first episode revolves around the club trying to get this stalker, Ryoshi, to get a backbone and show her his skills.

If you couldn't tell from my opening line, I'm not a fan of Okami-san. It's an exercise in stereotyping of generic, soulless character tropes whose only purpose seems to be to exemplify said tropes. The only saving grace of the series is the fourth-wall breaking narrator, whom the characters seem to be able to hear occasionally, who lampshades the grand majority of the weaknesses of the characters individually and the series overall.

The jokes are obscure enough that you'd need to be well versed in anime history and jargon, but the series is too vapid and superficial to be worth a true fan's time. I'd almost consider it a parody, thanks to its self-awareness, but the lack of quality in other departments, namely art and key animation, makes the title feel like its a filler series meant to be made quick and sloppy while the studio works on something else for another season. It's all very slapdash and weak.

There are definitely better titles to be had on Netflix, but the problem is we're just not getting a lot of good stuff on the Instant Stream. Maybe its because the animation studios made better deals with Crunchyroll or they just don't like the market, but I can list of dozens of titles from recent years that would do well on Netflix that just aren't coming. Sure, there are one or two decent ones, but the grand majority that I've seen lately are crap.

Until tomorrow, Potatoes~

Day Two Hundred and Sixty-three - The A-Team: Season 1, Pilot, "Hurray for 80's Stunt Shows!"

I grew up on the A-Team... and MacGyver and The Fall Guy. To a kid like me, who didn't get the cheese factor inherent to the genre, Hannibal & Co. were the epitome of cool. Adventurous, ex-Army mercenaries wronged by their government, helping the little people and kicking generic bad guy butt!

Freaking awesome!

I think that I can safely say that I never saw the pilot, though. Why do I say that? Because I have absolutely no idea who that dark haired cherub is playing Face. The Face that I remember was always performed by Dirk Benedict. Here in the pilot, he's played by some bloke named Tim Dunigan. Now, it's not that Dunigan does a terrible job... his effete Hollywood Producer alias is both offensive and believable... it's just that Dirk will always be Face.

At least for the television series.

Really, everyone in the movie was great in their respective roles, but that's another post altogether.

This pilot, though. Man, was I young and immature for liking this series. It has all the terrible gaffes that were endemic of television back then. Ridiculous stunts that make no sense, casual racism that isn't called out, disdain for the mentally ill, and your basic ethnic stereotypes.

I think the most egregious example of shoddy stunt editing was during the second chase scene where we're introduced to Hannibal, Face, and B.A.. They force a squad car off the road on a Roman Movie Set and it goes flying off a ramp... in a Forest Set that is an obviously different scene all together. I get that it could've been from the same series of stunts, just an earlier or later portion of it, but there's no way the foliage they crash through was on that Roman set as we see the whole street section the first time they pass it.

As for the racism? The Mexican banditos actually aren't the worst example... though I did expect them to do the "we don't need no stinkin' badges" routine just for kicks. No, the award for "Most Racist Caricature" goes to George Peppard's Hannibal... who pulls a Mickey Rooney with cheap makeup and acts the surly old Chinese fixer.

I mean wow... just wow. Sure, it was a different time, but it's hard to forgive.

The story, itself, is forgettable. A reporter is kidnapped by generic Mexican revolutionaries who are funded by gangster pot farmers who are terrorizing a town and the old reporter's young protege (who happens to be a hot chick) hires the A-Team to get him out. Cue two-part pilot episode.

I think, really, the only standouts for the whole thing are Dwight Schultz... as corny as his "Howling Mad" routine is, I'll always love Broccoli... and a small muscle role for Miguel Ángel Fuentes whom MST3K fans would recognize as Vadinho from Puma-Man! Other than that, coupled with the absence of Dirk Benedict, there's very little to love about the pilot for The A-Team.

And I'm beginning to worry that the same could be said for the whole series... that my memory of it was glossed over by the haze of nostalgia. We'll see, I suppose, as I'll give it at least a few more episodes, just not in the near future. I need to wash the taste of this out of my mouth.

Until tomorrow, Potatoes~

Day Two Hundred and Fifty-one - Trigun: Badlands Rumble, "Guns a'blazing, space-western comedy, Anime mediocrity."

Okay, so I lied... it wasn't Hellraiser or Zack & Miri that I went to after Prohibition... it was the familiar and the safe.

It was Anime.

Trigun: Badlands Rumble is the companion movie to the late 90's (early 2000's, in America) Scifi Anime of the same name... well, the Trigun part, anyway. Set in the distant future, where humanity scrapes a living on a desert planet with extremely limited resources, both the series and the movie embody themes of humanity at its worst with rare peeks of it trying to be at its best... all amidst wacky, highly improbable gunplay.

The main character of Trigun is the demigod Vash the Stampede who is a neigh immortal, pacifist gunslinger who has lived for hundreds of years and become a legend on his planet for all the wrong reasons. Yes, that whole "pacifist gunslinger" bit sounds weird, but his goal in life is to mediate and limit death and carnage on this desert world so that humanity may survive. Unfortunately, making it so everyone survives often requires a lot of destruction and mayhem, for which his is always blamed.

In Badlands Rumble, his personal story arc is sidelined in favor of the one-off villain, Gasback, and the beautiful woman tracking him for personal revenge, Amelia. Gasback is basically a rehash of Brilliant Dynamite Neon (no, I'm not making that up) from the series, a crook who savors the thrill of the heist, not its actual monetary gain. Amelia is a very obvious spurned daughter, whose "mysterious past" is easy to figure out almost right from the start. Her inclusion as a possible romantic interest for Vash isn't unusual as he often spent every waking moment swooning after beautiful women in the series, but because of that history, we know he isn't serious.

And that's kind of the problem with the movie. It has absolutely no bearing on the overall arc of the series or its characters. In order to overcome that, it needed to be tremendously worthy in terms of action and drama (like its cousin-film Cowboy Bebop:Knockin' on Heaven's Door). Sadly, I don't think it did.

All of the familiar players are there: Vash, Wolfwood, Millie and Meryl... but they're just in demo-mode, never really expressing anything interesting emotionally/philosophically and just barely being interesting action-wise. Heck, Millie and Meryl disappear for pretty much the entire third act and Wolfwood? As much as I love the character, his forced "mourning" period during the beginning of that act rings false because we all know... just know that it's impossible for Vash to be dead. It's one of those silly false trails that, even if you didn't know the fate of everyone in the series ahead of time, is just too convenient a plot twist to be true.

That's not to say it's all bad.

As an overly large, higher production quality episode of Trigun, it's alright. It has your basic self-contained story elements that quite a few of the early series episodes did and handles itself decently when it comes to its occasional gunplay... but it drops its character quirks like they never existed for more than the single joke they support and, on the whole, the movie doesn't live up to the better examples that exists out there in the nether (namely the Cowboy Bebop movie and Ghost in the Shell:SAC). I do like the out there character designs, but only just so... it's all mediocre style and trite frontier existentialism.

If you're a fan of the series, it's okay... but for first-timers and the general Netflix-going populace, I'd say stay away.

Until tomorrow, Potatoes~

Day Two Hundred and Thirty-eight - Dredd, "Now THIS is what modern action movies should be."

Came down with a bit of the ague today, so I took a sick day... much to the annoyance of my boss, no doubt... and, while it was unfortunate for my daily routine it was rather fortunate for my Netflix queue as, thanks to the guy trimming the hedges around the apartments with a chainsaw, I wasn't able to sleep away my sickness.

So, on to today's Couchbound pick, which just happened to be newly released on the Instant Stream, and it was Karl Urban's take on Dredd.

No, not the 90's Stallone vehicle that was more comical farce than gritty scifi dystopia, this version of Dredd never takes off the mask and is all business, all "The Law," all of the time... and I find myself much happier for it, very glad there's no Sly or Rob Schneider.

Set in the vast urban sprawl of Megacity One after the fall of society thanks to nuclear war, Dredd follows the eponymous Judge, Jury, and Executioner on an assessment tour for rookie beat Judge Anderson (Olivia Thirlby), a powerful psychic who is being pushed into service despite failing her entrance exams.

The two of them are sent to a Megablock Tower called Peach Trees where three gangbangers were tossed off a ledge from hundreds of stories up. While investigating the murders, they happen upon a mid-level banger who could ruin his gang's whole operation and that sets into motion a total lockdown of the Tower on the orders of the gang's vicious leader, Ma-ma (Lena Headey).

From there, the movie is one blood-soaked battle after another as the two isolated Judges try to survive wave after wave of bullets, bangers, and even a few corrupt Judges called in during act three to fight fire with fire.

To say that I love this film is an understatement. It's brutal without being gratuitous, stylistic without being heavy-handed, and full of subtle little touches that cause the comic book geek in me to squeal in delight.

I mean, honestly, seeing Anderson pause at that "No Muties" graffiti for half a second before moving on with the mission is a tremendously well done nod to the status quo of Megacity One. Such a perfect little humanizing moment for her (ironic, considering) and one that isn't lost as her Mutant status is used to great effect during several key scenes.

It's not a perfect movie... as there are no leads or subtle hints to the corrupt judges at any point previous to the moment Ma-ma sends for them during the second to third act transition, but I'm willing to forgive a few oversights considering how well placed other running themes and clues were laid out... particularly concerning her mousey tech genius (Domhnall Gleeson).

When it comes to effects, pretty much all of the gunplay is spot on, with even the normally laughable CGI bloodspray being really quite believable. The same can be said for the high-speed camera effects that pop up several times during the movie as the visual high of the drug Slo-Mo that the Ma-ma clan is producing. While you can't see it as much on the Stream, the 3D version that I saw in theaters was just that much more dazzling.

Last, but not least, I really want to point out Urban's portrayal of Dredd. I think he very much embodied the spirit of the character. Whereas Stallone was always "Sly in Dredd's Uniform" (and, even then, only for a small portion of the movie before he's disgraced and defrocked), Urban most definitely wears the mantle so well that I never saw him as Karl Urban... only as the man, the monolith, Judge Dredd. Much kudos to him.

If you're any kind of fan of action, I'd very much recommend Dredd to you... especially over tongue-in-cheek, almost parody movies like The Expendables. Dredd gives you everything you want from an actioner and never lets up. I really hope that it's cult status and DVD sales will lead to a sequel, cause I'd rather have one from Urban, et al., than yet another Riddick.

Until tomorrow, Potatoes~