Day Three Hundred and Twenty-two - Rowan Atkinson Live! "Oh, well... I'm sorry... I didn't, um... right."

I know it's sacrilege, but I'm really not all that much of a fan of Mr.Bean... and Blackadder could be hit or miss, depending on the episode... and don't even get me started on Johnny English (poor Gillian Anderson). Still, it's not that I don't think Rowan Atkinson is a good comedy writer/performer, it's just that his schtick generally isn't my thing.

To be honest, I could really see the wit and humor that went into the majority of the sketches in LIVE, but I just never really felt like laughing. In fact, for the entirety of the performance, I'm pretty sure that I only chuckled a few times... and never outright laughed out loud. There were many jokes that brought a smile to my face, but that's about it.

Standout performances for the set I think were the dating sketch, the three-part wedding sequence, and the acting class bit that rounds out the show. I was especially fond of that last one due to all of the hammy, melodramatic pantomiming. Good stuff, but as I mentioned before, just amusing.

On the flip side, I really had a problem with his Indian Restaurant bit where he playacts being a server, complete with wardrobe and accent, to a bunch of drunk of their ass football fans. Sure, it's comedy, but I found it blatantly offensive. I mean, at least he didn't cork his face, but it was still pretty bad.

I think, if you're a big fan of his physical comedy, this show will be up your alley, but it didn't do anything for me. Maybe I'm just too much of a comedy snob of late, as it seems like most of the routines that I watch just aren't up to my standards.

Hmm... a little light in the bytes, today. Just not much to say about this show, unfortunately. Oh well.

Until tomorrow, Potatoes~

Day Three Hundred - Ghostbusters, "I believe it's Magic... Magic...."

If memory serves me there was one VHS tape that my family borrowed from the base library quite a bit. That tape was The Neverending Story, which my parents probably thought was a more wholesome pick than a movie that had a simulated ghost fellatio scene. Still, Ghostbusters was probably a close second due to the fact that, besides a few fleeting expletives and the aforementioned "spirit suck" (which was really just a dream sequence), it was a pretty safe horror movie to watch... more comedy than anything else.

When it was re-released in theaters two years ago, for one night only, my friends and I were almost first in the queue to see it once again on the big screen (sadly, no vintage trailers went with it). It was a gloriously nostalgic experience. It's been close to forty years since VCRs and DVD players made re-releasing films in theaters a novelty at best as who would want to go out and pay theater prices when they can watch it in the comfort of their own homes. Personally, I'm on the fence. I love Netflix and my DVD/BluRay collection, but sometimes it's nice to see an old favorite on a 50'x20' screen.

In any case, no theater release for Ghostbusters this Halloween season, but we're lucky enough to have it on the Instant Stream just in time for our last Weekend Spooktacular Flick. Maybe it's the nostalgia or maybe I'm on a weird Ernie Hudson binge (as he was also in yesterday's The Crow), but I was definitely in the mood for a supernatural film that was more fun than frightening.

Ghostbusters definitely delivers.

Made in the mid-80's in the height of Bill, Dan, and Harold's careers, Ghostbusters tells the story of three paranormal psychologists and engineers who are thrown out of their university positions just when they find proof of real, honest to deadness ghosts! Being the enterprising Americans that they are, they decided to go into hock and start their own ghost extermination business and, after a slow start, business booms.

Along the way, they begin investigating the haunting of a young musician (Sigourney Weaver) who is being occasionally tormented by a demon dog named Zuul and constantly hit on by the smarmy leader of the Ghostbusters, Peter (Bill Murray).

Anyways, long story short, great mystical convergence, possible apocalypse, and harassment and interference by the EPA. I mean, really... the EPA? Well, it was the 80's.

As far as the film goes, it definitely shows its age via its dated effects, but they still hold up pretty well and were actually groundbreaking for the time. Yes, it's mostly matte and miniatures work, but there are still plenty of fun practical effects like the shooting card catalogs and floating books (which still give me mild chills to this very day).

While I'm never scared like I was as a child with this film, getting more from the laughs than the jump moments (that chase through Central Park with Rick Moranis definitely freaked me out more then than now), I think that I enjoy Ghostbusters more this way, as an adult. It's just so much better when you catch things like Venkman's not so subtle come-ons towards Dana or the previously noted supernatural sex act. It's also better when you see Ernie Hudson's Winston as more than just a second act add-on and instead see him as a contrast to the bookish scientists of the team. Winston adds an everyman dynamic to the team that grounds them instead of allowing them to remain aloof as experts among plebeians.

For my last Spooktacular horror flick, I probably could have chosen something more creepy and scare worthy, but I'm actually pretty happy with Ghostbusters. It's a nice nod to both nostalgia and the softball fun of the holiday. Sure, I could freak myself out with other films... but this is better... for me, anyway.

Now... let's see if I can power through the final five episodes of Twin Peaks and survive.

Until tomorrow, Potatoes~

Day Two Hundred and Seventy-eight - House, "No, not 'House, M.D.', but the cheesy eighties ghost story with Norm and Bull."

Alright, let me be the first to admit that House was a bit of a letdown for the inaugural weekend of horror flicks for our October Spooktacular.

It's strange. When I was a kid, I remember being scared out of my wits by the Bimbo Ghost and the two Ghoulies... and Big Ben's decayed GI all but scarred me for life. Obviously that never came to pass as, coming back to it after all these years, House really doesn't mess with me at all. Even the jump scares are just that, mild jumps because of surprise, not fear. Where once the levitating, homicidal gardening tools and flopping swordfish had me hiding my eyes, now all I can do is sigh in exasperation.

Maybe I've just become jaded over the years... as I also recall getting physically nauseous during the scene where Robert Patrick's T-1000 skewered John Connor's foster father. Or maybe it's just hard to take House seriously in context considering its supporting players where famous 80's sitcom goofballs. I mean, honestly, seeing George Wendt and Richard Moll trying to play serious, even scary roles pulls me right the heck out of the movie.

It doesn't help that the Vietnam flashback scenes all look like they're shot on a back lot somewhere or that the monsters that manage to crop up are more comical that creepy. The best one of the bunch is the first one you see, the closet demon that pops out exactly a midnight, and once that wad is blown, there's really no coming back for the movie.

Well, let me dial that back a bit, it tries to be a little clever just a scene or two later when the Bimbo Ghost shows up and you can't tell for sure whether it was actually his wife or the House just messing with him. To be fair, they seriously hint that she was the real deal just taken over by the House thanks to the peppy, cathartic breakup music the film has for its soundtrack during the burial scene. It felt a bit cheap for the real wife to show up at the end instead of pulling an actual Evil Dead and being forced to lose her in exchange for his son, but oh well. Maybe they figured there'd be too many complications from a Movie Star Mom going missing.

On the whole, House feels more like a made for TV movie than an actual horror flick... and it's hard to imagine why it got a hard R-rating aside from the few fleeting expletives that crop up. At worst, I think this was PG-13, closer to PG, but I'm not the MPAA of the 80's (or, the "now" for that matter), and you can probably guess how I feel about them in general.

So, this hasn't been the greatest start for our Spooktacular, but there's plenty of time left in the month for something really scary (and, hopefully, quality).

Until tomorrow, Potatoes~

Day Two Hundred and Sixty-five - The Man With One Red Shoe, "It's SO ridiculous, that I can ALMOST actually believe it"

The Cold War was a golden age for both spy dramas and comedies... and a reality where the truth seemed, sometimes, stranger than fiction... so much so that it could totally be plausible for rogue factions of the CIA to be playing these sorts of games in order to resolve a power struggle.

I'm speaking, of course, of the antics of Dabney Coleman and Charles Durning in the film (which is a remake of a french piece), one an ambitious field leader gunning for the Director's position that the other holds. Both men have loyal agents on their side and both men play fast and loose with the lives of the little people, more worried about their own power than the greater good.

While shows like The West Wing prefer to inspire with the idea that government workers serve at the will of the President to make the world a better place... a real Camelot mentality... the 80's were full of cynical films like this where it was all about "I've got mine, Jack."

As a vehicle for Tom Hanks, it's safe to say that he has better titles under his belt, both before and since. He plays the eponymous Man with the One Red Shoe whom Ed Herrmann (as the assistant to Durning's CIA Director) randomly picks out of a crowd to send Coleman's crew on a wild goose chase after. Hanks' Richard Drew is a violinist having a reluctant affair with his best friend's (Jim Belushi) wife (Carrie Fisher) (the sort of thing you could get away with in, say, France), who finds himself drawn to Lori Singer's secret agent who is trying to covertly steal whatever it is they think he might be hiding being the spy that he really isn't.

What follows from the premise is an unhappy comedy of errors where Hanks unintentionally outwits the efforts of the crack CIA squad shadowing his every move. Not only that, but he manages to avoid Jim Belushi's jealous rage through more mishaps that make Belushi's character, Morris, feel as if he's hallucinating dead bodies everywhere.

It's hard to believe Lori Singer's portrayal as a gung-ho honey trap who falls for her mark. Her acting is never convincing and she basically feels like she was cast as a substitute for Daryl Hannah as her look screams that the director was going for the exact same box office magic as Splash, trying to steal thunder from Ron Howard.

That's not to say that there aren't a few interesting shots. While, overall, the cinematography is rote and occasionally goofy, there are moments at the beginning when Ed Herrmann is searching the airport for his patsy that are actually a little inspired. They quickly fall to the wayside in favor of cheap production work, though.

I think that my biggest disappointment, though, is the cameo of David Ogden Stiers as the conductor of Hanks' orchestra. I love the man to death and he has serious presence... it's just such a shame that he is only in this one scene. The movie could've stood to have a few recurring characters like him to offer balance to the increasing surreal antics of the two CIA teams.

As movies go, The Man With One Red Shoe is a cheap Saturday matinee at best, only really worth seeing if you're working through Hanks' film catalog. I'd say skip it... and check out the original: The Tall, Blonde Man With One Black Shoe!

Until tomorrow, Potatoes~

Day Two Hundred and Sixty-three - The A-Team: Season 1, Pilot, "Hurray for 80's Stunt Shows!"

I grew up on the A-Team... and MacGyver and The Fall Guy. To a kid like me, who didn't get the cheese factor inherent to the genre, Hannibal & Co. were the epitome of cool. Adventurous, ex-Army mercenaries wronged by their government, helping the little people and kicking generic bad guy butt!

Freaking awesome!

I think that I can safely say that I never saw the pilot, though. Why do I say that? Because I have absolutely no idea who that dark haired cherub is playing Face. The Face that I remember was always performed by Dirk Benedict. Here in the pilot, he's played by some bloke named Tim Dunigan. Now, it's not that Dunigan does a terrible job... his effete Hollywood Producer alias is both offensive and believable... it's just that Dirk will always be Face.

At least for the television series.

Really, everyone in the movie was great in their respective roles, but that's another post altogether.

This pilot, though. Man, was I young and immature for liking this series. It has all the terrible gaffes that were endemic of television back then. Ridiculous stunts that make no sense, casual racism that isn't called out, disdain for the mentally ill, and your basic ethnic stereotypes.

I think the most egregious example of shoddy stunt editing was during the second chase scene where we're introduced to Hannibal, Face, and B.A.. They force a squad car off the road on a Roman Movie Set and it goes flying off a ramp... in a Forest Set that is an obviously different scene all together. I get that it could've been from the same series of stunts, just an earlier or later portion of it, but there's no way the foliage they crash through was on that Roman set as we see the whole street section the first time they pass it.

As for the racism? The Mexican banditos actually aren't the worst example... though I did expect them to do the "we don't need no stinkin' badges" routine just for kicks. No, the award for "Most Racist Caricature" goes to George Peppard's Hannibal... who pulls a Mickey Rooney with cheap makeup and acts the surly old Chinese fixer.

I mean wow... just wow. Sure, it was a different time, but it's hard to forgive.

The story, itself, is forgettable. A reporter is kidnapped by generic Mexican revolutionaries who are funded by gangster pot farmers who are terrorizing a town and the old reporter's young protege (who happens to be a hot chick) hires the A-Team to get him out. Cue two-part pilot episode.

I think, really, the only standouts for the whole thing are Dwight Schultz... as corny as his "Howling Mad" routine is, I'll always love Broccoli... and a small muscle role for Miguel Ángel Fuentes whom MST3K fans would recognize as Vadinho from Puma-Man! Other than that, coupled with the absence of Dirk Benedict, there's very little to love about the pilot for The A-Team.

And I'm beginning to worry that the same could be said for the whole series... that my memory of it was glossed over by the haze of nostalgia. We'll see, I suppose, as I'll give it at least a few more episodes, just not in the near future. I need to wash the taste of this out of my mouth.

Until tomorrow, Potatoes~

Day Two Hundred and Sixty-two - Hellraiser, "We have SUCH sights to show you."

It's hard to argue the value of a cult icon such as Pinhead. He's become the inspiration for countless horror writers and artists and is instantly recognizable for the sado-sexual menace that he and his fellow Cenobites represent, culling pleasure from ultimate suffering. The first in a long series of films, the original Hellraiser rates among the highest, its sequels having dropped off majorly in quality after Hellraiser II: Hellbound.

A rather self-contained film, Hellraiser sports a small cast of unknowns and D-listers who fill out the Cotton family tree. There's Frank, whom we're introduced to first, who acquires the mysterious Puzzle Box from your stereotypical Oriental Mystic Shopkeeper. He uses the box and is instantly taken by the Cenobites. From there we're shown the unhappy marriage of Frank's brother, Larry, who is married to Julia. Unknown to Larry, Frank and Julia were lovers and would be again, as Larry's blood partially resurrects Frank. Julia, enthralled by her skinless lover, brings Frank victims to drain to regenerate him further, until Larry's daughter discovers the gory details and accidentally summons the Cenobites... who want them all!

Hellraiser is definitely a picture that captured the imagination of movie-goers. While its effects are rough by today's standards, at the time they were tremendously creative and frightening. Even now, despite my lack of suspension of disbelief, I can respect them for what they are... especially that initial regeneration sequence which is a combination of reverse motion and clever puppetry.

I also want to praise Clive Barker for the design of the cenobites. Most movie monsters of the era were hulking monoliths hidden behind masks. Here, Clive took several different striking concepts towards prosthetics and makeup to create terrifying visages of torture demons like Pinhead, Butterball, and Chatterer. Conceptually, he also breaks the mold by including an aggressive female Cenobite who is just as threatening as her male counterparts. Sin knows no gender lines here and I find that right proper.

Now, all of this praise shouldn't belie the fact that there's some serious cheese that holds the movie down. Effects aside, pretty much any scene with the movie's innocent, Kristy... from her work at the pet store to her courtship with her fashion disaster boyfriend... well, right up until she's confronted by the supernatural elements of the film, she's a mess of a character.

Similarly, while Frank and Julia's tawdry affair and the lengths that Julia goes to in order to bring him back are damned compelling, Julia's actual marriage is a laughable sham, both in terms of the lack of actual chemistry and the overall storyline. Add to that the silly sex fiend victims that she brings back to the love nest to be consumed by Frank, it's often hard to take the good portions of the movie seriously.

Overall, though, for all its faults, Hellraiser is an excellent horror film... and one of Clive Barker's best. It reminds me of Fulci and Argento, but with a very serious, mainstream slant. Brave, but still sticking to its genre roots. Honestly, it's a must for any horror fan and, while it might not scare as well as it used to in comparison to today's standards, I'd add it to any movie-goer's standard film education.

One final note, I just wanted to mention how far reaching Hellraiser and it's Cenobites are, showing up in homage in the manga Berserk. It is so very obvious that Miura drew inspiration from the Cenobites in creating the Godhand of the Apostles.

Until tomorrow, Potatoes~

Day Two Hundred and Eighteen - The Toxic Avenger, "This... is a terrible, terrible, terrible..."

...terrible, terrible, terrible... terrible, terrible... terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible... terrible movie.

But it's also terribly funny.

A B-movie at it's schlockiest, The Toxic Avenger tells the tale of uber-nerd Melvin who for the first twenty minutes or so of the film is the heel that everyone in town despises... especially the roid/road ragers who get their jollies running down pedestrians Death Race-style.

Eventually, after way too much running time spent establishing what an utterly geeky tool Melvin is, his jock tormentors play what they think is one final trick on him, which leads to poor Melvin jumping out a second story window in shame and faceplanting directly into an open vat of toxic waste.

Hey... it was the 80's and New Jersey. You think the Ninja Turtles didn't get their start in a similar fashion?

Anyways, from the ashes of his chemical burns, The Toxic Avenger is born. With newly augmented super-strength and a preternatural ability to detect evil in all forms, Toxie roams about the town of Tromaville foiling villains and stuffing mops down their throats in what may or may not be a political statement (*wink*).

Of course, he's occasionally too late to save a few brave citizens or seeing eye dogs, but when such is the case he wreaks bloody vengeance on the perpetrators and manages to get a blind girlfriend in the process.

Like I said before, The Toxic Avenger is a terrible, terrible, terrible... well, you get the idea... terrible movie. It was to the 80's what Ed Wood and John Agar movies were to the 50's and 60's, über-cheesy drive-in features made on a shoe-string budget and full of cheap jokes, thrills, and gratuitous and/or lascivious behavior.


It definitely would've made it as the movie of the week on MST3k if there weren't the pesky problems of all the foul language and nudity, I think. And, even though it never officially was a pick for them, I can certainly see watching this movie with friends to make one of our own... especially if there's alcohol involved!

I think my favorite bits are the fact that we don't see Toxie's face for quite some time after his mutation, waiting for the best moment to make the reveal... and his blind girlfriend, Sara (played by Andree Maranda), over-emphasizing her "blindness" by not knowing where to stare at all. It's hilariously bad acting and I can't stop giggling every time she's on the screen.

The Horror! The Melodrama! The Cheap Jokes!

One odd note: for some reason, the surreal "Crack Whore" introduction from the late 90's Laserdisc release is featured at the front of the film which shows a down on his luck Toxie turning tricks after the cancellation of his cartoon (Toxic Crusaders). I have no idea why Troma decided to send THAT version to Netflix to put on the Stream, but it does put an interesting spin on the metahumor of the series.

Overall, The Toxic Avenger is just another in a long line of "so bad it's kinda good" cult classics in the vein of Rocky Horror, This Island Earth, and Little Shop of Horrors. I honestly can't recommend it if you're looking for a good movie, but I can if you're in the mood to riff a bad one.

Until tomorrow, Potatoes~

Day Two Hundred and Six - Killer Klowns From Outer Space, "ANOTHER DOOR?!"

Cult classics are one of the best reasons to subscribe to Netflix. There are just so many "so bad they're good" movies on the stream that I'm pretty sure I could've spent a good part of the year just watching Troma or Sgt.Kabukiman or Remo Williams.

One such "classic" is Killer Klowns... a 80's b-movie that would've done quite well at the drive-in, were there any left around.

It's camp and unapologetic about it. In fact, I think they kind of revel in it. The animatronic masks are cheesy as all get out, even as they fit quite well as nightmare fuel, and the Klowns that wear them are big, lumbering oafs that can barely pantomime their stage direction.

That said, as horrible as the effects and acting are (especially from the leads), it's a fun little gag movie.

I especially like the kill sequences. When the Klowns are out and about, harvesting humans who aren't in the know, there are quite a few scenes of goofy, one-off attacks. Standouts for me were the Punch & Judy bit and the Shadow Puppets.

To be honest, I was actually kinda surprised that they didn't fall back on the good old horror movie trope of gratuitous nudity. This was the 80's, after all, and it's not like they didn't have a scene or two where they could've gone for it. I don't know whether to laud them their decision for taking the high road or shake my head at the wasted opportunity to put more frat boys in seats.

Still, they managed to keep a PG-13 rating, which is rare for a horror movie, so I guess I cannot blame them their stylistic and editorial choices.

Also kudos to John Vernon for his appearance as the gruff deputy who gets turned into a marionette. Most folks probably remember him from Animal House, but this is a fun role for him as well. I kind of wish they could've done more with that bit, but oh well.

Killer Klowns From Outer Space is good old, campy fun that's generally safe for the whole family to enjoy. Sure, the Klowns might be a bit too much for the really young, but it's actually rather cathartic to see the demonic jesters get taken down.

Until tomorrow, Potatoes~

Day One Hundred and Ninety-four - The Manhattan Project, "Remember the Cold War of the 80's... it remembers you."

If you remember the 80's like I do, you remember the yuppie paranoia of the end of the Cold War. It wasn't the biting fear the Bay of Pigs, but there was still plenty of scapegoating features that painted us as one minute from the brink... a picture not all that dissimilar to the one that Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons painted for us in Watchmen.

I remember WarGames and Miracle Mile and Red Dawn... I remember The Manhattan Project.

While having very little to do with the Soviet Union, nevertheless The Manhattan project had quite a bit to do with Cold War paranoia and pretty much everything to do with Nuclear Deterrence and Brinksmanship.

Set it upstate New York where an affable scientist, John Mathewson (John Lithgow), relocates his team of nuclear engineers to create a plutonium production facility, TMP mostly follows the teenager he comes to know while courting his mother.

The boy, Paul (Christopher Collet), is quite intelligent, assertive, and a nefarious prankster. While trying to win him over, Mathewson gives Paul a tour of the facility, passing off all the nuclear material as merely medical production. This, of course, doesn't fool Paul who hatches a plan with his would be girlfriend, Jenny (Cynthia Nixon), to swipe some as proof that the government plopped a nuclear facility in the middle of New York State with no oversight or warning.

The theft goes off without a hitch, switching shampoo for the plutonium slurry, and the rest of the film is Paul and Jenny making a bomb (I know, what a quick jump from exposing the government to actual Mad Science!) and taking it to be entered in the National Science Fair, then escaping when the feds close in and try to take the bomb away, leading to a climax defusing and a schmaltzy happy ending.

There's a lot that's completely weak about this film... for one thing that a nuclear facility in the heart of the cold war isn't being guarded by at least a platoon of soldiers checking and double checking everything... every hour on the hour.

For another, all the exposure Paul, et al, go through during the course of the film should've had them all flat on their backs, losing hair, and coughing up blood. It's one thing to occasionally hint at the contamination with Geiger counters and glib remarks, it's quite another to contradict it by shoving one in the face of two people in constant, unshielded contact with plutonium and get nary a trace just because it's plot convenient.

I mean, really... "just background radiation?" You've got to be kidding me.

Science aside, there's also very little in the way of chemistry... emotional chemistry between any of the leads. While I actually believed Matthew Broderick and Ally Sheedy and their mostly tame courtship in WarGames, I can't say the same here whether it's Lithgow and Jill Eikenberry or Collet and Nixon.

I also cannot believe the reactions of anyone in the staff or armed forces. As much as I like John Mahoney, his angry face had nothing on Barry Corbin.

It should be noted that there's a very small part for Robert Sean Leonard here as one of Paul and Jenny's school friends, but it's nothing all that special.

While it's not the most sterling example of a message movie, at the very least it tries to lead you to a few good ones by showing clips from tremendous films concerning the subject like The Day the Earth Stood Still and Dr.Strangelove. It feels a little like cheating, but it's still a nice nod.

I think it's decent enough for starting a discussion with your kids about the feeling of that era, but there are much better examples out there... like WarGames, actually... or, if you want to go back a generation, Dr.Strangelove.

Until tomorrow, Potatoes~

Day One Hundred and Seventy-two - Voltron: Lion Force - Season 1, Episodes 1& 2, "Save me from my 5 year old self."

If Robotech opened my eyes to the possibilities of Anime as a medium, I have to give a little credit, albeit reluctantly, to Voltron: Defender of the Universe.

I say "reluctantly" because I haven't watched a single episode of it in almost three decades and, going back to it now, I am horribly embarrassed that my four year old self ever enjoyed it.

It... is... terrible.

I've never seen it in its original form, GoLion, but I can tell that it was definitely meant for the kindergarten set in Japan with what looks to be thrilling, young men's adventure with little subtlety and lots of generic violence. The sad thing is, when it was brought over to America, it was certainly edited and dumbed down for our American kiddos of equivalent age.

Everything from the forced narration that is literally repeated by the characters later in the episodes to the unnecessary captions introducing Castle Doom and the laughable dialogue... it all makes me cringe at the naivete of my toddler self. Not even nostalgia can save Voltron from the butchering it got at the hands of its localizing team.

I mean, what were the scriptwriters thinking when they created Voltron as a pastiche of GoLion? Only moments of unintentional comedy allow one to survive the pain induced by the terrible lines. I mean, really? "Kitty is excited?"

I wonder if even riffing can bring it up to watchable. I will certainly have to be drunk the next time I try.

Voltron is one of those franchises that doesn't hold up at all. At least, with Robotech, there was an attempt at making a grand, over-arcing story and they didn't shirk at the violence and death, presenting it with some semblance of realism.

With Voltron? The only dramatic "death" is that of the convenient exit of Sven to make room for the Princess to become a pilot... and by "death" I mean "plot injury" where he is sent off to some other planet for "medical treatment."

Yes, that's right... they send Sven to a farm upstate.

Not for nothing, I cannot recommend Voltron to anyone save as a cautionary tale of how not to localize Anime. At best, it should be kept around for historical value or for Spoon Parties if you're tired of rewatching The Room.

Until tomorrow, Potatoes~

Day One Hundred and Seventy - Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins,"...but never continues. And there's a reason for that."

On its face, Remo Williams is a stupid, stupid movie.

I can occasionally stretch my suspension of disbelief for things like secret government hit squads that recruit with deadly force, or comically ridiculous villains with diamonds imbedded in their teeth, or wise Asian senseis imparting ancient martial arts techniques to headstrong young pupils, but all of those together?

You better be working with some serious charm and style (a la Buckaroo Banzai) if you want my vote, and Remo Williams never even tries, I think. The entire film is played so serious that when the miraculous happens and the filmmakers expect you to accept it, I couldn't help but bust out laughing at the sheer arrogance and pomposity.

Still, I was feeling nostalgic so, instead of stopping it immediately when it was clearly no longer the action sensation I remembered from my youth, I powered on through, hoping for some late game redemption.

Sadly, there was none to be had.

I mean, it's always great to see Kate Mulgrew (whom most probably know as Captain Janeway of Voyager), even if I have no clue what role her Army Major supposed to play. It's not quite damsel in distress, not quite love interest, the role that her character inhabits. I mean, honestly, if I were the bad guys, she'd be first on my "accident" list as opposed to some random New Yorker who was hitting on her and displayed the typical amount of courtesy to a rude driver, but that's me. 

The Destroyer series itself is more of the same, being a "men's adventure" novel run with all the macho fantasies of a ten-year-old watching wrestling. Violence and theatricality are the norm, but rarely is there a thought deeper than one from the film where "assassination is the highest form of public service." 

I think my main disappointment is the horrible caricature that Joel Grey creates as Chiun, the soft-spoken Korean master of "Sinanju" martial arts who has the preternatural ability to use chi-blasts and walk on water. It's just so patently ridiculous, both the powers and the racist pastiche of Asian sifus. I expected much more from him, but a job's a job, I suppose.

As I said before, on it's face, Remo Williams is a stupid, stupid movie... and that trend continues throughout. It really is a terrible film that should only be watched for it's riffing potential. If you're going to do the ridiculous, then just be a ridiculous movie. Don't try and play it straight if you don't have the special effects to back it up or je ne sais quoi to couch the absurd. 

When the best they could do was hiding a very visible platform under the water during Chiun's waterwalking sequence, they should have given up.

Until tomorrow, Potatoes~

Day One Hundred and Sixty-nine - The Wonder Years: Pilot, "Young, awkward, petulant love. It's beautiful."

I have to confess that Danica McKellar was my TV crush when I was a kid.

The girl next door who blossomed into a beautiful young woman who not only liked you, but forgave you when you were acting like an idiot (which, at that age, was all the time), Winnie was the ideal adolescent love match that I never actually got to participate in.

On top of that, Danica has made a name for herself as a mathematician after she finished her tenure on the show... brains and beauty! I might as well just melt in my chair simply from thinking about her.

In any case, The Wonder Years was one of those witty, coming of age family dramas posed as the narrator (voiced by Daniel Stern) flashes back to his heady days as a youth growing up in the suburban 60's and 70's. What the Wonder Years did for their era is fairly similar to what the Apatow crew did ten years later at the turn of the decade into the 80's with a fresh generation. Both shows focused on the true problems of kids going through puberty and trying to find direction in the world.

A struggle for pretty much everyone involved.

In addition to my crush on Danica McKellar, this was also the show that kept Fred Savage in the limelight after his endearing role as the sick boy in The Princess Bride as the show's main character Kevin Arnold. The kind of everykid for my generation, he was only supplanted when the wider appeal of a different Kevin... Kevin McAllister (Macaulay Culkin)... stole his thunder in the Home Alone series.

Personally, I think Fred was the better actor (Kieran being the stronger of the Culkin brothers at the craft, IMHO), but the market spoke and there you have it.

The pilot is a little rough in places... with the play punches from Kevin Arnold's older brother, Wayne (Jason Hervey) being obviously too soft and fake, a mistake that was not repeated over a decade later in Malcolm in the Middle. Still, the combination of realistic behavior and perfectly timed inner monologue/narration made for a much stronger adolescent drama than ABC's other teen coming of age drama of the era, Doogie Howser, MD.

I love you, NPH, but Fred and Daniel did it better.

The Wonder Years always reminds me of a more wholesome take of the era than Steven King's Stand By Me. Both feature wise, older men looking back on their adolescence wistfully and portraying those childhoods realistically, it's just that The Wonder Years seems a bit more tame in comparison. Granted, it makes sense, considering one was a rated-R film and the other a primetime family drama on ABC.

I think, if I were looking to bond with my children, I'd have this and Freaks and Geeks primed and in the queue in the hopes that some of the wisdom would rub off. It probably wouldn't as, now that I think about it, when I watched it back then I was more concerned with how cute Winnie was than anything else, but still... osmosis occasional works.

And who knows... maybe the narration style would enamor them to Neil Simon plays and we'd have that, too.

Until tomorrow, Potatoes~