Thursday, March 28, 2013

Day Eighty-seven - Dr.Who: Series 1, Episodes 12 and 13, or "I MADE IT! I FINALLY MADE IT!"

Wow... it's been a longish, very boring trip to slog through the first season of the modern Dr.Who.

Yes, it's no surprise by now that I hate the pedantic, deus ex ridden adventures of Christopher Eccleston and Billy Piper. While the first series has given us probably one of the better companions in all Whovian History, Captain Jack Harkness, it's also brought me to tears at just how stupid a scifi show can be.

The first of this sortof two-parter is Bad Wolf, which brings everyone back to Satellite 5, the orbital media platform from back in episode 7, only something's wrong again.

Set many years after The Doctor shut down the weird shuggoth looking alien running the news, Satellite 5 is now a Gamestation where the game shows of the ancient BBC (see: modern day BBC game shows like Big Brother and Weakest Link) have been turned into death matches where only one (and sometimes NONE) survive for the entertainment of the Earthican masses.

Bleh. It's a pop culture Running Man. Boring.

The twist, of course, is that some nefarious entity has done this to human society from the shadows, and it's up to The Doctor and co. to find out who and why.

I think what pisses me off about this (and other episodes) is just how much utter crap the deus ex devices and macguffins are. At least with other scifi shows (like Star Trek, Battlestar Galactica, and Fringe) they try to make their technobabble fit and be, well, believable. Here we've got a "transmat" beam that conveniently pulls the Time Warp Trio out of the supposedly impenetrable TARDIS and a "disintegrator" that doesn't disintegrate.

Really, the only saving grace of episode 12 (titled Bad Wolf), is the fashion game show with Captain Jack... who no only rock's the segment, but pulls a laser pistol out of *ahem* his arse to save himself when the robo-fashionistas turn homicidal.

Go, Cap'n Jack!

Anyways, Rose is supposedly killed by The Weakest Link's Anne-droid, but is really sent to... DUN DUN DUNNNNN... the Dalek fleet! It seems the one found in the vault in episode 6 wasn't the last. The Dalek Emperor managed to survive with his flagship and has been slowly building a new army of Daleks by harvesting humanity... one cell at a time.

Lord, that must've taken forever... also, @#$#*(@%Y&^$()$!@!!

And that brings us to The Parting of the Ways, episode 13, where The Doctor rushes in and somehow manages to materialize the TARDIS around Rose (and a token Dalek who is quickly dispatched by Cap'n Jack)... and then pops onto the command bridge to speak to the Daleks without fear of EXTERMINATION thanks to yet another deus ex, a hyper force field.


Then we cut to over a half-freaking-hour of the trio "getting ready" for the Dalek invasion of Earth. Cap'n Jack organizes the leftovers of Satellite 5 into a delaying action force, The Doctor begins building another deus ex, a "Delta Wave" generator that will fry all brains in its path, and Rose is... well, sent home to modern day England where she spends all her scenes dithering then trying to break into the Heart of the Tardis so she can gain its mystical time warp mojo (seen in episode 11) for herself so she can save The Doctor.

Seriously... they waste a half hour on this crap.

BUT... to make it worse... the climax occurs with the Doctor refusing to wipe out the entire solar system to save the universe from the Daleks (you bloody coward) just in time for Rose to pop in and use her brand new TIME GODDESS powers to revive the recently Exterminated Cap'n Jack, save The Doctor, and turn all the Daleks (including the Emperor) into dust with her fancy glowy eyes.

OoooooOOOOOOooooooo~! Save us with your Special Eyes, Rose!

Of course, so much power would melt her brains, so The Doctor kisses Rose to draw the glowy bits out of her ocular cavities, thereby dooming him to regeneration and semi-quick actor switchification.

Gag me with a freaking spoon.

I hate... Hate... HATE this crap. HATE IT! How in the world did it get made? Why in the world is it SO freaking popular? Why am I tearing my hair out in sheer frustration?!

But it's done.

I made it through the season. Barely.

David Tennant in is the hiz-zouse and is making quips about his new teeth. I can only hope it will get better from here. Please, please, pleaaaaaase, let it get better from here. I have the strangest feeling that it won't for a while, but the hope is there. It's a tiny inkling of hope, ready to be crushed under the malevolent boot of reality, but it's there... squirming around in the darkness of my soul.

Too melodramatic?

Time for another Dr.Who sabbatical for me. I've ruined my palate for quite some time, I think... but with Adventure Time being added to the instant queue just around the corner? There's that, at least.

Until tomorrow, Potatoes~

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