Day Two Hundred and Ninety-eight - Twin Peaks: Season 2, Episodes 16 & 17, "First Tony Jay, Now David Warner. A Pity."

I don't know whether to attribute it to the general lack of caring everyone seemed to have at this point in the second season or an attempt at capriciousness on behalf of the writers, but David Warner appeared (with fire in his eyes)... and then he died.

What a waste.

The same thing happened to Tony Jay a few episodes ago when he appeared at Leland's funeral, then died almost as quick and in flagrante delicto with the woman every man loves (literally). Sure, prime time television is full of examples of special celebrity guest stars showing up as one-off villains and victims. It's almost tradition. Still, I would've preferred more from the infamous Thomas Eckhardt.

Where first season Josie and Catherine sparred with mysterious trysts and subtle acts and double crosses you didn't see coming, the final repose of the Sheriff's femme fatale girlfriend is a quick deluge of madness, murder, and fright... as she scared... herself... to death!

Mwahahahahaaaaaablech.

While not as horrendously bad as last night's episode, today's double feature is only a notch or two above it. Not even the introduction of two new characters can save the season (or series) in my eyes... not Heather Graham's Annie or Billy Zane's convenient cowboy. It's funny just how easily Audrey falls under Zane's spell due to the behind the scenes shenanigans by Laura Flynn Boyle, or so rumor says. And it's just those sorts of rumors that make it easy to see how little both the actress and character cared that James was leaving the series.

They are just rumors, though, so I shouldn't pay them any mind. Can't help but think about the whole thing in that context, however. Once a seed of doubt is planted, it takes root.

There's a little bit of the supernatural to brighten things up, but it's still being done in a haphazard way that feels more like a token effort than actual, intentional plotting. Whether it's BOB or The Man from Another Place howling/dancing on Josie's corpse or her soul apparently imprinting itself on a knob, I feel like it's too little, too late.

More bad acting and pointless scenes... Truman goes bonkers, there's an inexplicable fashion show/ferret mauling, and Coop meets his soul mate. How quickly he forgets Audrey. Oh well. Windham Earle is supposed to be a looming threat as he plays around with the three current contenders for Miss Twin Peaks. His disguises are laughable at best, suspicious at worst. If I were Donna or Shelly, I would've called Coop and Truman immediately.

But that's shitty writing for you.

The fire is officially gone, I think. There is very little that could save this series from itself (not even Fire Walk With Me, if it were available on Instant Stream). I knew this was going to happen, of course, but it's hard to have it play out day by day, continuously. I almost wish that I had skipped the weekend horror flicks for our Spooktacular, just so this would've been over quicker. Twin Peaks is a mad dog, at this point... waiting to be put down. Just a few short days left, though. I can make it. I hope.

Until tomorrow, Potatoes~

Day Two Hundred and Ninety-seven - Twin Peaks: Season 2, Episode 15, "Windham Earle: Human Trainer, Murderer, Amateur Hardy Impersonator"

God... it's almost work at this point. I'm only watching because I made a promise, both to myself and to you, dear readers, to watch the entirety of Twin Peaks during the month of October. I take that back, though. It's not work. Work implies something productive.

This is torture.

A semi-crazed Leo walked into Windham's den at the end of last night's episode and tonight? Well, tonight, Leo is being tutored and conditioned like a misbehaving puppy... via shock collar. Elsewhere, James is framed for murder by a mysteriously repentant black widow and her brother/lover conspirator, but that wraps up pretty quick (for lack of anything else to do, methinks). Norma and Ed whisper sweet nothings while Nadine continues to obsess over Donna's ex-boyfriend thanks to her regression to high school. Thomas Eckhardt (David Warner) pays a call to Josie and Catherine for dinner and, lastly, Ben recreates the end of the Civil War (this time the North loses) with the help of Audrey, Bobby, Jerry, and Dr.Jacoby.

And it's all so much dreck.

It's like we're living in a duller, more pathetic parallel universe to the original Twin Peaks where all the magic has been sucked out of everything and been replaced by... by... I don't even know how to articulate the levels they've sunk to here. We are so far beyond saving the show that I can only explain it with the concept that everyone involved must have been actively trying to kill the show. Really. That's the only explanation that I can come up with... because, surely, we have fallen to madness when the first thing Albert and Truman do upon seeing each other is hug enthusiastically.

While I am able to maintain a cool and collected outward appearance in these waning moments of the Spooktacular, there's a part of my inner self... a rather large part... that can be visualized as a cackling loon, shaken and disheveled, rocking back and forth in a padded room while whispering secrets and lies to no one in particular. Maybe that's the ultimate truth of the series: revealing Laura's killer has driven us all insane. Oh, God! None of this is real!

These are dark days for me, my friends... dark days, indeed.