Day Three Hundred and Fifty-five - The Polar Express, "Starring: Tom Hanks, Tom Hanks, Eddie Deezen, and Tom Hanks."

Sometimes is a little difficult to stretch an entire 100-minute film from a holiday picture book. Still, Tom Hanks and Robert Zemeckis wanted to try. The result was the 2004 mo-capped CGI film, The Polar Express, which tells the tale of a boy who has grown cynical with the idea of Santa at the North Pole and falls asleep Christmas night only to be awoken by the magical Polar Express. It travels the world (or, at least, the English-speaking world) to gather up children not unlike himself for a trip to visit Santa before he takes his globe-spanning journey in the hopes that they'll believe once again.

Maybe I'm just as cynical s person, myself, but the small adventures and assorted characters that the boy meets along the way are contrived and paper-thin with absolutely no complexity. Hero Boy is a hero, risking life and limb to help others. Leader Girl is a leader, of course, connected and inspiring those around her, and Know-it-all Boy is whiny Eddie Deezen, whose nasally nerdish voice cuts through the very fabric of my suspension of disbelief and reminds me more of WarGames and Dexter's Lab than the annoying CGI kid he plays.

For it's era, The Polar Express is a fairly plodding narrative told through dazzling effects. Sure, the humans still aren't quite right either in form or motion, and it probably would've been a much more entertaining film if it was live action with decent child actors, but the landscapes and architecture are tremendously beautiful. While I can't get behind any of Tom Hanks' many, many roles and Michael Jeter's performances as the two engineers are blah and silly, it's nice to have both of them along for the ride... especially Jeter, may he rest in peace.

I think, aside from Deezen, my biggest complaint is the last minute cameo by Steven Tyler as an elf version of himself, rocking out after Santa's departure to deliver toys to all the good children of the world during the climax. I had visions of Revolution X and Armageddon. It was a horrible nightmare pastiche of guns and animal crackers.

Still, for all of it's many faults, The Polar Express does have a sweet message... that they beat you over the head with... but kids are dumb, so I guess it was necessary (no, they're not and no, it wasn't). Also, there was an elf in a bicorn hat. Hilarious. Could've done without the ghost, though. I don't believe that I'll ever look back on The Polar Express fondly as a Christmas Classic, but I also don't think I was all that much the worse for watching it. Could've been much better, but also much worse.

Until tomorrow, Potatoes~

10!

Day Two Hundred and Sixty-five - The Man With One Red Shoe, "It's SO ridiculous, that I can ALMOST actually believe it"

The Cold War was a golden age for both spy dramas and comedies... and a reality where the truth seemed, sometimes, stranger than fiction... so much so that it could totally be plausible for rogue factions of the CIA to be playing these sorts of games in order to resolve a power struggle.

I'm speaking, of course, of the antics of Dabney Coleman and Charles Durning in the film (which is a remake of a french piece), one an ambitious field leader gunning for the Director's position that the other holds. Both men have loyal agents on their side and both men play fast and loose with the lives of the little people, more worried about their own power than the greater good.

While shows like The West Wing prefer to inspire with the idea that government workers serve at the will of the President to make the world a better place... a real Camelot mentality... the 80's were full of cynical films like this where it was all about "I've got mine, Jack."

As a vehicle for Tom Hanks, it's safe to say that he has better titles under his belt, both before and since. He plays the eponymous Man with the One Red Shoe whom Ed Herrmann (as the assistant to Durning's CIA Director) randomly picks out of a crowd to send Coleman's crew on a wild goose chase after. Hanks' Richard Drew is a violinist having a reluctant affair with his best friend's (Jim Belushi) wife (Carrie Fisher) (the sort of thing you could get away with in, say, France), who finds himself drawn to Lori Singer's secret agent who is trying to covertly steal whatever it is they think he might be hiding being the spy that he really isn't.

What follows from the premise is an unhappy comedy of errors where Hanks unintentionally outwits the efforts of the crack CIA squad shadowing his every move. Not only that, but he manages to avoid Jim Belushi's jealous rage through more mishaps that make Belushi's character, Morris, feel as if he's hallucinating dead bodies everywhere.

It's hard to believe Lori Singer's portrayal as a gung-ho honey trap who falls for her mark. Her acting is never convincing and she basically feels like she was cast as a substitute for Daryl Hannah as her look screams that the director was going for the exact same box office magic as Splash, trying to steal thunder from Ron Howard.

That's not to say that there aren't a few interesting shots. While, overall, the cinematography is rote and occasionally goofy, there are moments at the beginning when Ed Herrmann is searching the airport for his patsy that are actually a little inspired. They quickly fall to the wayside in favor of cheap production work, though.

I think that my biggest disappointment, though, is the cameo of David Ogden Stiers as the conductor of Hanks' orchestra. I love the man to death and he has serious presence... it's just such a shame that he is only in this one scene. The movie could've stood to have a few recurring characters like him to offer balance to the increasing surreal antics of the two CIA teams.

As movies go, The Man With One Red Shoe is a cheap Saturday matinee at best, only really worth seeing if you're working through Hanks' film catalog. I'd say skip it... and check out the original: The Tall, Blonde Man With One Black Shoe!

Until tomorrow, Potatoes~

Day One Hundred and Eighteen - Sleepless in Seattle, "Hanks and Ryan are a Charm Explosion... but I was bored."

I won't lie, I love these two as actors... in pretty much any film they're in they exude so much affable charm that it's sometimes hard to watch. One of my guiltiest of guilty pleasures is the cheesy You've Got Mail (a remake of the 1940 Jimmy Stewart picture) where they blindly fall in love over AOL.

Here in Sleepless, though, I found myself annoyed.

For one thing, the premise makes me tired. Architect Sam (Hanks) lost both his wife and the mother of his child far too early to cancer. Not coping well, his son calls a national therapy hotline (where's Doctor Fraiser Crane when we need him) because the boy thinks his dad needs a new wife... and their story goes across the airwaves and piques the interest of east coast writer Annie (Ryan) who is engaged to the perfect man (Bill Pullman) but feels no "magic" with him.

Written and directed by the late Nora Ephron (who also did You've Got Mail), it basically romanticizes a woman who stalks a man she's never met.

I mean, seriously, the some total of their interaction until the climax consists of a letter that Sam rightly dismisses and a shared look between the two across a sometimes busy, sometimes not street near Sam's houseboat. Honestly, I was expecting the soundtrack to start playing "Some Enchanted Evening" even though it was the middle of the afternoon.

I think what annoys me the most is how much it tries to sneak in references to An Affair to Remember. It feels like cheating when Annie is almost run over on the street and they repeat lines to each other. Perhaps the only thing that saved it from that schmaltz was the Dirty Dozen reference where Hanks and Victor Garber start bawling over that film to counterpoint Rita Wilson's (Hank's wife in real life) breakdown over An Affair.

Still, in spite of its weaknesses, Sleepless in Seattle features performances from both Hanks and Ryan that tug full force at the heart strings. There are moments when it's just them and the camera (always separated by distance) and you can just feel the aching loneliness that holds their characters in check.

That initial phone call where Sam is baring his heart and Annie is listening thousands of miles away in tears really gets me.

Switching gears, kudos to Ephron and Pullman for making an annoying character who you know won't get the girl in the end likeable and redeemable. It's ham-fisted and obvious, but I am so sick of romcoms where the other man/woman is a complete tool (as they did in You've Got Mail with Greg Kinnear and Parker Posey). Having that climax dinner where Annie tells her fiance that she can't marry him end amicably is oddly great.

I just wish they hadn't made him an allergy-ridden weakling.

...

Sleepless in Seattle isn't a great film.

I know it's sacrilege to say such, but it's driven too much by its silly premise and not enough by true character interaction.

I mean, seriously, the sum total of Sam and Annie's experience together consists of a look, a letter, and a meeting at the top of the Empire State Building. There's no relationship here... just "the magic." And that, alone, does not a good movie make for me.

It's cute and can jerk tears at moments, but its charms do not overcome its flaws. I'd say you should watch it at least once, but it shouldn't need more than that.

Until tomorrow, Potatoes~

Day One Hundred and Twelve - A League of Their Own, "A little schmaltzy, but still a decent nostalgia/period film about baseball."

A flashback movie starring Geena Davis and Tom Hanks about the women's professional baseball league that was started in the tail end of World War Two, when many male MLB players were overseas fighting in Europe or the Pacific, A League of Their Own is less a baseball movie and more a tale of family and female empowerment.

That's not to say that there isn't a decent amount of baseball drama both on and off the field, but the in-game scenes are mostly montages... and brief ones at that.

Anyways, the main thrust of the story is the family drama between sisters Dottie (Davis) and Kit (Lori Petty), both fast pitch softball players in Oregon who are scouted for the new women's league by the wonderfully acerbic Jon Lovitz. As they head to tryouts in Chicago's Wrigley Field (renamed "Harvey Field" to get around certain legalities) and are eventually picked, you can tell there's a lot of rivalry between them. This is mostly on Kit's part as she's jealous of always living in her talented older sister's shadow. Some of that is justified, but most of it feels played up for the drama of the movie.

The other main role is that of the reluctant coach Jimmy Dugan (Tom Hanks), who starts off as a souse but turns into a competent and enthusiastic leader over the course of the film, mostly due to the subtle reforming and competition that Dottie gives him.

To the side there are quite a few good supporting players like Rosie O'Donnell, Madonna, Megan Cavanaugh, Bitty Schram, and David Strathairn. As an ensemble, everything works pretty well, even if there are a few awkward sequences here and there.

I think my main beef with the film is two-fold.

First, Madonna has top billing, occupying the general cast roll and poster as the third lead over Lori Petty. I find this to be a grave injustice as, at best, she's a supporting actress, not a lead. I don't give a good goddamn that her star power may have helped the film along or that she won a Golden Globe for her tie-in song. The headliners for A League of Their Own were Geena Davis, Tom Hanks, and Lori Petty... AND THAT'S IT.

My second issue was how little actual baseball was in the film. Major League came out a few years earlier and, despite it not being a historical piece, was a better baseball film... even though it was a silly underdog sports comedy. Hell, Tom Selleck's Mr.Baseball is a better baseball film than this. I really shouldn't give A League of Their Own as much crap over this as I do as the story is more about female empowerment than the actual sport, but still.

Overall, Penny Marshall did a pretty darn good job with this film. She managed to pull together a terrific ensemble with lots of great leads and supporting actors (even including Madonna... she may not have the best reputation, but her performance here worked). Brother Garry is great in the few scenes we see him as candy mogul Harvey and David Strathairn is just fine as well. Honestly, he always delivers and whenever I see him on a cast list, I'm happy.

While there could have been more bonding scenes between Dottie and Jimmy, I was decently pleased with their back and forth. There may have been more left on the cutting floor as the running time was pretty long for a nostalgia dramedy like this, clocking in at over two hours, but you can't always get what you want without overbloating a film. If I had all the baseball and personal drama I wanted, it probably would've broken three hours.

I can definitely recommend A League of Their Own. You just have to forgive the first five minutes' schmaltz before the film flashes back to the Forties and starts proper. Also, kudos to Penny for finding elder actresses who really did look like aged versions of Geena Davis and Lori Petty. It (and the dub job) was so convincing that I was trying to look for makeup lines the whole while.

Until tomorrow, Potatoes~